Saturday, April 9, 2011

Product Advertisements - 1

I have always wondered why consumers take the bait when products do `interesting' and over-the-top advertising.  I found out why.

Recently, I came across an advertisement on the front page of a national newspaper about an ayurvedic oil.  It proclaimed that the oil, if used to massage the fatty areas of one's body, will reduce body weight.   Having carried some excess baggage for the better part of my life despite all the physical rigours one undertook, I was tempted to resort to what seemed a pretty easy way out.  Massage and chill for a while and you end up losing weight - irresistibly appealing, right??  Wow, not bad, I thought and bought a bottle of this miracle oil - and I must admit that even as I was leaving the counter of the shop, I felt a bit lighter, not giving a thought to that leaner wallet of mine.

As is usual with all these things, there was a brochure, folded about 24 times very tightly, tucked inside the box, along with bottle of oil.  I was going to chuck it into the waste paper basket, the standard treatment meted out to such pieces of literature by most of us, when something made me unfold the paper.  That took about 10 minutes (I would suggest everyone does this in future because this exercise probably made me lose more weight than the oil would in a month!) and I finally had the sheet spread on the table.  Looking down, I was perplexed a bit since I could not decipher the contents.  The font was one of the smallest I had ever seen and was so truly unreadable that I had difficulty in even realising that I had spread the sheet upside down.  When I solved that puzzle and straightened it, I needed a magnifying glass to get going.  I probably lost another kilo in rummaging through various storage locations in the house to retrieve the required implement.   I went to work, with a view to unravelling the mystery that this oil was, by reading the brochure.  To begin with,  it mentioned some 40 different herbs' rather unpronounceable names and extolled their virtues, without really committing that those are all in the oil - devilishly clever, aren't they??   By the time I finished, it dawned on me that what I had just bought was probably used by Sage Agastya himself to stay lean and fit even after consuming full goats (like the one Vatapi had metamorphosed into) for breakfasts and light snacks!  No doubt, I felt encouraged.

I continued reading.  Now, the brochure started dwelling upon the massaging method to be used for optimal results.  Fair enough.  Who can contest such good intent?  First, one had to rub the oil on fatty areas and massage for minimum of 30 minutes.   Now, it is common knowledge that if fat men had 30 minutes to spare, they usually veer towards having another calorie-laden meal.  So, this is a brilliant ploy - take away that extra time from gluttons so that they consume less and voila, lose weight; all this, while they psychologically attribute this great result to the oil!!  But, in the hurly-burly routine of daily life, how is one to find 30 minutes for this??  Unlike other forms of exercise, in this case, unfortunately, once you undress and massage yourself with this oil, you are in no condition to make any public appearance, for obvious reasons.  That means you do the massaging and stay inside your bathroom for the specified time - not a very entertaining prospect.  The smart-alecs might now have a bright idea - why not have someone else do the massage??  Here lies the rub.  You must realise that the weight-loss potential is based completely on the assumption that you will massage yourself vigorously for 30 minutes daily for 6 months, nothing less.  The brochure does not allow any leeway in this.  The idea is to make you lose weight through the effort involved in massaging yourself - there is probably nothing to the oil, except a pleasant fragrance, to lend to the ambience and deflect your thoughts from the hard labour you would never have consciously subjected yourself to.  Under the circumstances, it is blatantly counter-productive to seek external help for the massaging process.  You see why generally masseurs are all lean and reed-like?  Only because they spend their energy massaging OTHERS and this oil `works' on the same premise - the only catch is you have to do the work yourself.

Other important pieces of information given in that brochure, which you normally dont read, are:  You have to be at it for 6 months without a break, use at least 4 bottles a month (quantity required is directly proportional to the accumulated fat in your body), and you need to give warm-water fomentation to the massaged part for another 20 minutes post-massage (i.e. more physical labour to make you lose weight).  If you are the type who can add without a calculator, you have already come to the conclusion that you spend close to one hour daily in this ritual, if you follow the instructions.  You also vaguely realise that something revolutionary is happening in your life.  The manufacturers of this oil have deviously persuaded you to do exactly that thing which has been anathema to all podgy men - EXERCISE, and you think you are losing weight because of the oil.

Now that I am wiser, I suggest a good alternative - take some warm water and do the massaging, you will still  get results and what more, you save the money spent on the oil.  In the summer months, though, this oil might be cheaper option.

The problem was that I read the brochure that came with the 5th bottle of oil, trying to figure out if I was doing the massaging correctly and wondering why I was not losing much weight.  I wish I had done that the first time around.  Clearly, I am not as good and honest a masseur as the product brochure demands me to be; so I concluded that I will never lose weight this way, unless there is an oil which permits massages by another party and requires only minimal physical exertion after the massage as in retiring for a good nap.  With this knowledge tucked into my mind, I am now back to walking (all those who queried where I was intermittently during the past 3 months - the answer is here....I was tired after the massaging process and could not indulge any further `exercise') and am feeling a lot better because I have time for my breakfast, am not spending money on the oil and best of all, am not being conned into exercising in any other way!!

Shall continue with the next product sometime later.

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