All the private TV news channels, one by one, have succumbed to mindless temptation and got infected by this menacing pestilence this author calls `the Tower of Babel spectacle'. So named, because various members of a horde are trying to outshout each other in the programme, without the viewer being any wiser for all the commotion. Sadly, in all this, the channels have chosen to ignore the fundamental fact that the average viewer also possesses some intelligence to absorb and analyse news, which is mostly drivel from the political arena. Doubtless, many disgruntled viewers have been driven to look for alternatives where they can get just news without having to resort to masochism and subjecting themselves to the new 'value-added', jarring service. In this context, as this distressed author was surfing news channels desperately, he found a very pleasant niche - Doordarshan (DD), the sensible old dame amongst all those sexy vampish sirens! Simple, old-fashioned delivery of news without a multitude of offending faces and offensive voices jostling for space; no yelling and pontificating but sedate delivery of information. A painless shift to DD for news was easy.
While the smug satisfaction of having bested the villainous TV news channels suffused one, another thought struck - what about the new FM radio music channels (FMCs) - how are they faring? There are plenty of channels crowding the airwaves, playing film songs virtually non-stop, with enthusiastic music jockeys (MJs) managing the delivery. While there is no doubt that they provide a continuous flow of songs at home or during a long drive in your car, how comfortable is the average listener with the content as well as the form of the programmes? This scribe spent a few days switching among the various FM channels to equip himself for an analysis and eventual arrival at semblance of a conclusion. Clearly, the idea was to identify the irritants and shortcomings since the overall benefits of these channels are easy to glean.
The first thing that smites you in the face with the private FMCs is the volume of chatter that goes on. Since they are entertaining you with music for free, they may be excused for being presumptuous enough to arrogate to themselves the right to keep talking at you all the time. Almost like saying, `Hey you are almost my captive, you know? I am going to bak-bak, where can you hide'?! It is absolutely futile trying to move to another channel because the same bombardment vigorously pursues you there, just the voice is different, nicer or less pleasant. You may as well stick with the best of the bad bargains, since the music doled out seldom differs, entertaining as it is. One must admit that some of those MJs are very good at their jabber, extremely facile in delivery with a certain addictive tonal quality to their voices which is difficult to describe but easy to feel good about. Especially the girls, obviously. So, the guess is that channels go pointedly casting their nets far and wide for girls with a few requisite qualifications. First, tremendous amount of energy/stamina as well as patience, because the job is to tirelessly talk for a few hours at a stretch (of course, between songs and ads), that too being blissfully bereft of this somewhat essential knowledge as to who is listening or paying attention - a very tough ask, one must admit. Second, the voice must have that essential allure that will make the listeners forget about all the mundane things being said but still keep them engaged. Third, the ability to hold the line on a non-existent conversation, because the listener who wandered in could be a classic, monosyllabic wonder. Fourth, the special gift of making even small-time-pass chats sound like knowledge peaks the listeners are scaling. With such difficult attributes being pre-requisites, such girls are probably born with headsets and not made!
There are a few male MJs around, who may be found woefully wanting when it comes to that blessed tonal quality and allure we talked about earlier. However, they seem to be strangely gifted in attracting female listeners with their charm and can boast of a sizable fan following - male and female. This they manage with their boyish banter, sometimes bordering on flirting and innuendos. That they mostly hunt in twos tells us something, right? While girls can manage this job singly, boys require support! Something to do with their ability to hold the listener for the longer duration?
Just to avoid the delivery degenerating into a boring (to the MJ) soliloquy, the programme structure cleverly brings in eager listeners, wielding mobile phones, for very meaningful conversations on esoteric subjects like their breakfast or what they are wearing or the weather in the neighbourhood . Also in play periodically are very incisive questions inviting sizzling and intelligent answers, with their own instant gratification in the form of shopping and dining coupons. If one does not follow these programmes, one would forever remain impervious to that immense exhilaration experienced by the chosen listener, being blessed with a Rs.500 coupon or a couple of movie tickets!!
If you think you have to contend only with the MJs' verbal barrage between songs, you are in for further jolt. Of course, what they say about ads being the fuel for the media, while admonishing the viewer not to touch the TV remote when an ad is running, is very true. Ads are the nourishment which make the channels bring us our favourite programmes and all that jazz. One should agree but sometimes, between two songs, they have some fifteen, so-fast-that-they-are-unintelligible commercials strung together, which is a bit thick. The beef is that radio channels badly miss the critical advantage of visual impact that TV has, so one does not even realise that some four commercials (on underwears which will obviate the need for any other clothing, on online tuitions which will get even a dummy or a piece of wood into IIT, on a new apartment complex in the centre of the city at the price prevailing in a village and on divinely tasting biryani even your mother cannot cook) have breezed by even as one is still trying to grasp the full import of the first ad about a furniture store. There is one channel which prides itself in letting the listeners enjoy eight songs without a commercial break. It does and this author salutes it on behalf of the listeners. But, they repeat this virtue of theirs with such irritating frequency during the programmes that they may as well boost their finances fractionally with a few more ads instead of numbing us with the same slogan.
After the experiment with private FM channels for a week, this author ended up with a debilitating physical and nervous disorder. However, the panacea for this ailment appeared from unexpected quarters. Suddenly all ills lifted like mist or melted away, depending upon whether you swear by gas or liquid! What brought about this transformation was that this author, who has never explored FM stations beyond 101, by sheer serendipity landed on 102.9FM and presto, Vividh Bharti (VB) was beaming a soothing romantic number from the 1970s. It was like magic to the ears, which had suffered some more-than-marginal impairment from the continuous bombardment during the week and were on the verge of plotting a rebellion. This may sound like the feverished declaration of an infirm mind, prompted by nostalgia but I will stand by this - the best thing Indian government has done in 67 years is keeping VB going strong and that too, without too many ad breaks and free from the tentacles of garrulous MJs. All those fantastic programmes - Bhule Bisre Geeth, Chhayaa Geeth, Aap ki Pasand, Aaj ke Fankar as well as the special programme to broadcast film songs requested by soldiers of the Indian Army are still vibrantly alive, being delivered in the same unhurried, measured way as in that bygone era. There are no hustling MJs pouring forth wisdom and there are no rapid-fire-delivered ads, but song after song is played with the same old-world charm. And the old is generously mingled with the new at VB, whereas in the new FM channels vintage songs are mostly methodically consigned to the graveyard shift, when not many are alive to such music.
Does this mean VB stood frozen in time? Clearly, no. They are using SMS requests for listeners' choice instead of opening inland letters one by one! While this was a matter of satisfaction, as a dampener, the reader stumbled and struggled through messages, as if he was frequently wracked by doubt, clearly demonstrating some problem with the process. And it could only be that even the personnel at VB have not changed and they in turn, have not upgraded their spectacles to suit their age!!
One would think they would have the SMSs streaming through to a teleprompter for facile reading. With all the fumbling, probably time good enough for a few additional songs are being wasted. And then, the station went blank - dead - for about three minutes. Could it be some emergency in the broadcasting room or was it some old equipment playing truant?
Whatever it is, now we do have a choice, don't we?? Just like we found DD for news without headache, we have VB for music without chatter and too many ads! Given the chinks in the armour of typically government-run stations, these may not be the perfect solutions one is looking for. Unless, of course, they embark on make-overs to match the private channels in all respects. Many will agree with the hurried response - that is not desirable. Or, like my dear wife, one may be completely indifferent to anything coming out of the radio, so long as it is some noise - in which case, some channels dedicated to mostly banter interspersed sporadically with songs are the imperative.
While the smug satisfaction of having bested the villainous TV news channels suffused one, another thought struck - what about the new FM radio music channels (FMCs) - how are they faring? There are plenty of channels crowding the airwaves, playing film songs virtually non-stop, with enthusiastic music jockeys (MJs) managing the delivery. While there is no doubt that they provide a continuous flow of songs at home or during a long drive in your car, how comfortable is the average listener with the content as well as the form of the programmes? This scribe spent a few days switching among the various FM channels to equip himself for an analysis and eventual arrival at semblance of a conclusion. Clearly, the idea was to identify the irritants and shortcomings since the overall benefits of these channels are easy to glean.
The first thing that smites you in the face with the private FMCs is the volume of chatter that goes on. Since they are entertaining you with music for free, they may be excused for being presumptuous enough to arrogate to themselves the right to keep talking at you all the time. Almost like saying, `Hey you are almost my captive, you know? I am going to bak-bak, where can you hide'?! It is absolutely futile trying to move to another channel because the same bombardment vigorously pursues you there, just the voice is different, nicer or less pleasant. You may as well stick with the best of the bad bargains, since the music doled out seldom differs, entertaining as it is. One must admit that some of those MJs are very good at their jabber, extremely facile in delivery with a certain addictive tonal quality to their voices which is difficult to describe but easy to feel good about. Especially the girls, obviously. So, the guess is that channels go pointedly casting their nets far and wide for girls with a few requisite qualifications. First, tremendous amount of energy/stamina as well as patience, because the job is to tirelessly talk for a few hours at a stretch (of course, between songs and ads), that too being blissfully bereft of this somewhat essential knowledge as to who is listening or paying attention - a very tough ask, one must admit. Second, the voice must have that essential allure that will make the listeners forget about all the mundane things being said but still keep them engaged. Third, the ability to hold the line on a non-existent conversation, because the listener who wandered in could be a classic, monosyllabic wonder. Fourth, the special gift of making even small-time-pass chats sound like knowledge peaks the listeners are scaling. With such difficult attributes being pre-requisites, such girls are probably born with headsets and not made!
There are a few male MJs around, who may be found woefully wanting when it comes to that blessed tonal quality and allure we talked about earlier. However, they seem to be strangely gifted in attracting female listeners with their charm and can boast of a sizable fan following - male and female. This they manage with their boyish banter, sometimes bordering on flirting and innuendos. That they mostly hunt in twos tells us something, right? While girls can manage this job singly, boys require support! Something to do with their ability to hold the listener for the longer duration?
Just to avoid the delivery degenerating into a boring (to the MJ) soliloquy, the programme structure cleverly brings in eager listeners, wielding mobile phones, for very meaningful conversations on esoteric subjects like their breakfast or what they are wearing or the weather in the neighbourhood . Also in play periodically are very incisive questions inviting sizzling and intelligent answers, with their own instant gratification in the form of shopping and dining coupons. If one does not follow these programmes, one would forever remain impervious to that immense exhilaration experienced by the chosen listener, being blessed with a Rs.500 coupon or a couple of movie tickets!!
If you think you have to contend only with the MJs' verbal barrage between songs, you are in for further jolt. Of course, what they say about ads being the fuel for the media, while admonishing the viewer not to touch the TV remote when an ad is running, is very true. Ads are the nourishment which make the channels bring us our favourite programmes and all that jazz. One should agree but sometimes, between two songs, they have some fifteen, so-fast-that-they-are-unintelligible commercials strung together, which is a bit thick. The beef is that radio channels badly miss the critical advantage of visual impact that TV has, so one does not even realise that some four commercials (on underwears which will obviate the need for any other clothing, on online tuitions which will get even a dummy or a piece of wood into IIT, on a new apartment complex in the centre of the city at the price prevailing in a village and on divinely tasting biryani even your mother cannot cook) have breezed by even as one is still trying to grasp the full import of the first ad about a furniture store. There is one channel which prides itself in letting the listeners enjoy eight songs without a commercial break. It does and this author salutes it on behalf of the listeners. But, they repeat this virtue of theirs with such irritating frequency during the programmes that they may as well boost their finances fractionally with a few more ads instead of numbing us with the same slogan.
After the experiment with private FM channels for a week, this author ended up with a debilitating physical and nervous disorder. However, the panacea for this ailment appeared from unexpected quarters. Suddenly all ills lifted like mist or melted away, depending upon whether you swear by gas or liquid! What brought about this transformation was that this author, who has never explored FM stations beyond 101, by sheer serendipity landed on 102.9FM and presto, Vividh Bharti (VB) was beaming a soothing romantic number from the 1970s. It was like magic to the ears, which had suffered some more-than-marginal impairment from the continuous bombardment during the week and were on the verge of plotting a rebellion. This may sound like the feverished declaration of an infirm mind, prompted by nostalgia but I will stand by this - the best thing Indian government has done in 67 years is keeping VB going strong and that too, without too many ad breaks and free from the tentacles of garrulous MJs. All those fantastic programmes - Bhule Bisre Geeth, Chhayaa Geeth, Aap ki Pasand, Aaj ke Fankar as well as the special programme to broadcast film songs requested by soldiers of the Indian Army are still vibrantly alive, being delivered in the same unhurried, measured way as in that bygone era. There are no hustling MJs pouring forth wisdom and there are no rapid-fire-delivered ads, but song after song is played with the same old-world charm. And the old is generously mingled with the new at VB, whereas in the new FM channels vintage songs are mostly methodically consigned to the graveyard shift, when not many are alive to such music.
Does this mean VB stood frozen in time? Clearly, no. They are using SMS requests for listeners' choice instead of opening inland letters one by one! While this was a matter of satisfaction, as a dampener, the reader stumbled and struggled through messages, as if he was frequently wracked by doubt, clearly demonstrating some problem with the process. And it could only be that even the personnel at VB have not changed and they in turn, have not upgraded their spectacles to suit their age!!
One would think they would have the SMSs streaming through to a teleprompter for facile reading. With all the fumbling, probably time good enough for a few additional songs are being wasted. And then, the station went blank - dead - for about three minutes. Could it be some emergency in the broadcasting room or was it some old equipment playing truant?
Whatever it is, now we do have a choice, don't we?? Just like we found DD for news without headache, we have VB for music without chatter and too many ads! Given the chinks in the armour of typically government-run stations, these may not be the perfect solutions one is looking for. Unless, of course, they embark on make-overs to match the private channels in all respects. Many will agree with the hurried response - that is not desirable. Or, like my dear wife, one may be completely indifferent to anything coming out of the radio, so long as it is some noise - in which case, some channels dedicated to mostly banter interspersed sporadically with songs are the imperative.
