Friday, September 2, 2016

Online Shopping - Part One

One was not seeking the Holy Grail, which might also have been available online for the seeker with the right kind of profile and thirst!   My quest was for something very rudimentary -- to usher some new kind of light into our lives.  To state simply, to buy some LED bulbs, after being bombarded with messages through multiple media sources about the Modi government's initiative.  Whether the Light Emitting Diode bulbs eventually become the rage to brighten our Prime Minister's face or not,  the mind-boggling process I went through did emit reasonable quantum of weariness to stir me.

As one who prefers the conventional touch-and-feel as well as show-and-tell kind of shopping, my first attempt was to pull out one of the normal bulbs and show to the chap at the electrical goods store and ask for an LED bulb to replace that.  He peremptorily dropped a couple of customers he was handling, with a thud too and came rushing to me.  His over-solicitude made me wonder if I was myself emitting some irresistible halo!  It turned out he hadn't had too many people hankering after the stock of expensive LED bulbs in which he seemed to have tied up sizeable capital.  When he saw a window of opportunity opening ajar, he pounced on me and laid it on me thick.  But the price he quoted for various brands, ranging from Rs 230 to 650 for one bulb, not only confused me but made my antenna shoot up sharply in defence.  No wonder, he was unable to reduce that particular part of his inventory, I thought and beat a hasty retreat.  Where is Rs 20 for a normal bulb and Rs 500 for this novelty -- sounded outrageous.  Just because the latter is likely to last 25 years; (the 650 one boasts of longevity beyond that) -- neither the seller nor the buyer (in this case) may be alive to even validate that exalted claim!!  When I later voiced my disappointment to a younger, technology-driven friend, about not contributing to the government's effort towards a laudable cause, true to his age and approach to life, he suggested I go online to shop for LED bulbs cheap. I should have known better; that was the beginning of my problems.

One essential prerequisite for a successful e-commerce experience is thorough and absolute knowledge of what one wants - including minute specifications.  In the absence of that, the buyer is asking for a rude awakening and will only get frustrated with the run-around he gets, as can be evidenced by this one.  Going to that amazing e-commerce platform, I chanced my arm to buy LED bulbs - straightforward enough on the surface.  What I saw in response to my input of  'LED bulbs' beggared belief - there was a flurry of activity and there were 348 items displayed.  The first 45 had something to do with LED bulbs of assorted descriptions.  What followed were not even remotely connected to bulbs!!  Realisation quickly dawned that it was just not adequate to differentiate between screw type and pin type bulbs, because the site angrily demanded further edification regarding E14 or E27 - specs relating to the size of the screw that goes into the holder.  One felt shrinking further with embarrassment because one had no clue about the basics of the particular bulb being used for decades; and the bulb itself coyly refused to divulge where it belonged! Extensive research and visual reviews of actual bulbs and pictures from the site, induced in me the feeling that I was stumbling from terrifying wilderness to somewhere in the bewildering ballpark.  After a few more hiccups in deciding the wattage (suddenly all the known wattages were being rapidly diminished to single digits), the colour (cool white or yellow?) and other paraphernalia, the moment of truth arrived as the order was placed.  The buyer was over the moon thinking the ordeal was over, only to discover it was only baptism in the first stage of the ordeal!

Are you crazily interested in knowing whether your bulb is somewhere between two localities in the city, the names of which you have never heard before? Or do you really want the 16-digit tracking number the e-commerce site keeps throwing at you via email or SMS, just so that you can find out whether the first bulb of the four you have ordered has moved a couple of feet in a day?  As if the spam one gets in the in-box is insufficient! Then came the personal touch - a very pleasant and beaming voice over the phone announced that the light of your life would be arriving the next day between noon and evening (that helps!).  Being our first LED bulbs, my dear wife and I parked ourselves near the door and waited with bated breath, to be blinded by their unconcealed radiance.  To our chagrin, the same pleasant voice soothingly told us later that the bulbs had lost their way and would be delayed - we were almost devastated as we moved away from our stoic positions for the afternoon.  The next day brought unadulterated joy in the form of the bulbs ordered.  My dear wife quickly extracted the bulbs and examined them.  Alas, she found to our collective dismay that as against the order for 4 yellows we got 2 yellows and 2 cool whites.  She had categorically and unequivocally stated `cool white' was anathema.  She glowered at me as if  she was accusing me of having appended an offending coded signal to the supplier, altering her command behind her back .  And when her anxious attempt to use the yellow bulb in one of our table lamps turned out to be a miserably failing engineering feat, we realised that the two yellows were pin types, just the opposite of what we had ordered. So, still there was no new light!!

If you had noticed, all the e-commerce sites boast that they have a superlative `return' policy and process.  It seems reasonable to ask them whether handling returns was their primary business since they are highlighting that with such pride.  But the way our first order went lucidly explained the mystique behind the hype about the `returns handling' prowess of the e-commerce retailers to a wet-behind-the-ear shopper.  It almost seemed they were trying to demonstrate to us why it was more important to show chutzpah in dealing with the returns than take reasonable care to make the right delivery in the first place!  After another iteration of the latter part of the above process over the next few days, we finally got a few of our lights lit up with LED bulbs. Something we could have done in five minutes after that shopkeeper offered to sell that high priced bulb to me, if I had gone with the conventional option, my dear wife said with a smirk.  But one learns!!

 To be fair, we do order a few things online nowadays and not many have gone wrong.

(To be continued in Part Two)

                  







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