Big Mouths do help

It was some fifty years ago.  Our neighbour, a normally benign individual had virtually turned malignant in sleep as if some vampire had mysteriously infected him and was furiously gesticulating and shouting at his aged mother, of all people! The provocation for his angst had come from the chattering old lady having divulged some closely held family secret to a rather meddlesome relative, thereby inadvertently causing hindrance in a land deal.  The one stand-out declamatory phrase repeatedly employed by the neighbour was `you-and-your-big-mouth'.  Readers would have surely heard this often at school (teachers reprimanding talkative students) or closer at home (elders admonishing precocious children talking beyond their age). The strong, negative connotations attached to the `Big Mouth' (BM) could not have been missed.  So, without belabouring the point further, we can conclude by consensus that there is a severe antipathy and stigma attached to BM.  Come to think of it, there is no recorded eulogy or appreciation of BM in literary works in a couple of languages this scribe has marginal capabilities in.  This serious attempt is to address that deficit, rectify a historical omission, redeem a bit of ground for BM and save it from complete condemnation.

Switch to two weeks ago.  I was sweating profusely inside the air-conditioned car and was highly conscious of generating incoherent and asinine prattle, in an utterly nervous state.  My wife was making valiant attempts to calm me down, but in vain.  Over the years, she had learned that on such trips I just flip out to be reduced to gooey jelly and there is no known remedy for that.  When we reach this specific destination, I usually behave like an exceptionally rebellious mule which resents being goaded into heading in a particularly undesirable direction. I put up the same pathetic show this time too.  My wife adroitly used her teacher-like stern demeanour (this she manages with a smiling face - don't ask me how - and she has a band of admirers who wonder how she is cool and is ever-smiling!) as well as the 'dont-embarrass-me-type' hissed-out instructions to cajole me into the ante-room of our .....er.....dentist!  I felt completely trapped and hopelessly hemmed in since I was flanked by the only two people in the world who I am mortally afraid of - the dentist inside the clinic and the wife, languidly guarding the only exit.

The intelligent and perceptive among the readers must have already deciphered my intense dislike for dentist's clinics.  I must record for now and posterity - or else I would be guilty of doing grave injustice -  that my dentist is an endearing lady, a gentle soul, a confirmed wheedler who can coax a hungry robin to yield that half-eaten worm and a skilled operator when it comes to teeth!  As a process, she eases you into the recliner, she chats nicely and lulls you into believing that you are the chosen one, about to be fed some devilishly tasty ice-cream.  Once you are down, the scene changes swiftly and alarmingly; three more otherwise absolutely normal ladies emerge from the wood-works to assume forbidding postures around you.  One thrusts a glass of water in your face to rinse your mouth; one holds a suction pump to remove excess saliva and water and one carries a contraption used to widen unwilling mouths to the fullest.  This is the moment the dentist chooses to hide her face behind a menacing mask, switches on the overhead light, which makes your eyes water (thankfully that merges with the flow of fear-induced-tears!) and picks up the cursed drill which makes that confoundedly screeching noise as it grates on your teeth. Now, the metamorphosis in her is complete.  As for me, at this stage my muscles automatically stiffen, my breathing gets heavy and I feel like a bleating lamb at the last stop inside an abattoir!

Then the dentist calls the assemblage to order, commences the proceedings and seeks further widening of the mouth.  When she realises I cannot expand that orifice any further despite best efforts due to limitations imposed at the time of creation, she says in a rather defeated and resigned way `Oh, your mouth is so small.  I wish it were bigger'!!  Here is someone asking for a BM, after all, even though it is to facilitate her in plying her trade.  You see, a dentist has to combine the skills of an expert digger, deft chiseller, careful filler and good finisher.  She has to perform all the complicated and intricate tasks in the rather confined space, which usually accommodates a couple of morsels of food at a time.  As such, in order to get the satisfaction of a job well done, the least a good dentist expects is a reasonably big mouth.  When you confront her with a smaller-than-the-desired-size mouth, she has a right to feel cheated because she has been given less than the minimum required base material for her to earn a livelihood and that is disappointing, to say the least.  Hence a dentist's yearning for a BM!  But my dentist, the smart woman she is, saw an opportunity even in the adversity of having to work on me and once brought in her apprentices/interns to show how it is done when the desirable size is not available.

Typically, even for something as simple as a cavity-filling, while the dentist herself drills inside the mouth (I invariably imagine myself to be a piece of marble being cut), there is an accompanying requirement of some spray to cool the temperature (the analogy with marble being cut gets stronger).  Or even as the drill goes shrieking inside, there is a need for the suction pump to take out the extra supply of saliva (is this a by-product of the high anxiety level?) or water from one side. So, at any time, there are at least two contraptions simultaneously inside the mouth.  If the mouth is too small for the comfort of the team of crafts-women, something like a solid plastic block is inserted to keep it open to a desired level - the dentist assures me this is to lessen the strain in keeping the mouth open for long as required - even if the owner of the mouth is an absolutely reluctant participant in the orgy. At some stage, the ultimate knowledge dawns on him that he no longer can exercise his choice in this matter!  So, now let us see - the mouth, small as it is, has at least two contraptions, a few fingers (once, having far gone into la-la land, I vaguely counted a couple more than usual and not being able to figure out who they belonged to, guessed that some avid, revenue-generating spectators had joined the event) to hold things in place and a plastic block.  On top of all this, the dentist and her assistants have to get a clean line of sight to the repair site through the maze to avoid tragic collisions as well as blood-bath inside the mouth.  Do you blame the dentist for asking for BM?

Last week when I returned to the dentist for a review, I told her how I wished I had a BM! It would have made the visit to the dentist just a jittery experience like it is for an ordinary mortal instead of a traumatizing one.  I went on to narrate my experience thirty years ago with a Bombay based dentist who pulled out my wisdom tooth huffing and puffing, after a marathon session that left me bleeding profusely for some time.  And I had to carry an exceptionally well-fed look for two weeks, with the cheeks pretending to be mumps-afflicted.  That dentist had the gall to charge me extra for the horrendous experience, citing my small mouth as the cause of `his' trauma!  I sarcastically told my current dentist how some people blame everything on others.  She asked me what the name of that dentist was and when I told her, she looked very cross and abruptly ended the review.  Outside, the receptionist told me that Bombay dentist was her uncle and her role model!!

'You-and-your-small BM', I could hear my wife muttering under her breath!

Why, but Why!

Intellectual curiosity is the hallmark of an active mind, seeking to nudge the horizons of knowledge a bit further, conventional wisdom avers.  This scribe agrees without any demur.  But there are two very distinct classes of seekers one comes across - one which just raises a feeble and mundane `what' in an attempt to scratch the surface and ceases further search at that threshold; the other which invariably carries a heavy duty power drill and never tires of asking a series of `whys' after the initial `what'.  This scribe has always zealously advocated offering a couple of stars extra for the 'seekers' in the latter category for reasons which are not difficult to fathom.  This class, in its endless urge to mop up all knowledge available in the vicinity, wants to lick the last drop by getting to the bottom of the barrel, if that is what it takes.

Let us look at a couple of examples.  When Wordsworth was so profoundly affected by the melancholic strains of the solitary reaper, he could have stopped with the plaintive query `Will no one tell me what she sings'?  He did not, he went a little further and sought further research as to why such a soulful rendering, because he was a knowledge seeker in the classic mould.  Or for that matter, take the case of this good friend who travelled ten miles to incoherently ask (since he was panting from the physical effort) why is Brad Pitt seriously offending Angelina Jolie (going by newspaper reports) by suddenly abjuring the use of bathing soap and whether global anti-pollution drive will get a fillip from Pitt's action!  Unfortunately, there is no documented evidence of Wordsworth solving the riddle posed by the solitary reaper; this friend too will be denied the ultimate knowledge he seeks because he cannot interactively demand edification from either of the protagonists!!  But the whys have to be answered reasonably well prior to meaningful closure of the fundamental issues raised by the whats, you would agree.  Whys keep the wheel of knowledge trundling forward slowly and steadily.

Now that the foundation has been laid out structurally establishing the superiority of `why' as a tool for wisdom-seekers, it is time to formally enter the catechismal arena with THE question to delve deeper into some events, statements, reports etc and seek incremental light.  All in our ceaseless quest for knowledge, of course!

@What: In the context of the 2014 elections in India, a few young turks in the political arena as well as some `forward-looking' psephologists, who have arbitrarily arrogated to themselves the flag-waving rights for being path-breakers, incessantly crowed from the TV screens that in less than a decade, Social Media (SM) will have a decisive impact on elections in India.

@Why: Even with all the much-maligned migration from rural to urban areas in India, the rural population would probably still top 70% after 10 years.  Do these 'visionary' politicians and psephologists dream that a vast majority of the rural population would have avidly taken to Facebook and Twitter in that timeframe??  One hopes they do comprehend the difference between a mobile phone and SM!  All this chatter came through ironically almost at the same time the Parliament was passing the food security bill to provide subsidised grains for the bulk of India's population, because they cannot afford food at market prices.  Now, juxtapose the 'wild vision' of the impact of social media on elections with reference to the rural population and the need for the government to provide food security! And explain WHY such outlandish predictions are being made? Pray, why?

@What: Karnataka Government announced grandiose plans to widen many roads at a huge cost to the exchequer and this will entail demolition of many buildings including dwellings on both sides of the existing roads.

@Why: Previous such efforts have yielded commendable results in creating additional road lanes for traffic, but only as a sign of transient success.  The problem is inevitably the new space is not used for what it is intended for. After a couple of months, the lanes on either extremity of the road are encroached upon by people whose full-time occupation seems to be parking everything from cycles to mammoth trucks.  By demolishing shops, apartments, houses etc and depleting financial reserves, the government ends up converting living space into expensively produced and freely given parking space, without even a semblance of a short term solution for traffic woes.  And they want to do more of this. Why?

@What: Recently the investigating agency in India slapped a case on the head of a business conglomerate for possible violation of rules in the allotment of coal mines. Immediately some major industrialists tut-tutted in unison and spouted statements vouching for the honesty of the specific individual and expressing fears that the investment climate will suffer consequent to such diabolical actions of the government.  Preemptive noise to protect the clique?

@Why: Every time a politician, bureaucrat or an industrialist is put on the dock, his overzealous tribe screams in defence and mouths sanctimonious platitudes.  At this rate, the only `unprotected' tribe against whom any cavalier legal action can be taken unchallenged is the one to which the poor common man belongs.  While the investigating agency itself is notoriously political in its affiliation, unscrupulously manoeuvred by those in power and therefore easily suspect in its motive, wouldn't it make sense to let the process go through its motions and for the specific individuals to prove their innocence?  Should not be too difficult, if they are indeed innocent!  Why this unseemly hurry to `exempt' people from the process?  Because all these powerful people have proved that they are like Caeser's wife - incorruptible and above suspicion??  Are they really?  Otherwise, why?

@What: State governments, in their infinite wisdom, are introducing - hold your breath- mobile mammogram units.  The noble intention is to help women, who would otherwise be averse to visit medical facilities to undergo the test.

@Why: No offence meant to anyone and one is all for everyone getting all the required medical help, so please dont bristle at this - has the government considered the fact that it might be providing a ready-made platform, literally, for unfriendly acts against women?  The gruesome and murderous outrage committed against a girl in a Delhi bus is still haunting most of us.  One particularly perverted and revolting section of the Indian male species is already probably looking for all types of moving vehicles to outrage women; so, why this open invitation to such lewd and leering men? Why cant this be done inside some hospitals in various localities? Why?

@What: One section of Andhra Pradesh has been kept on the boil for many years with ongoing, violent agitations and rallies.  The government, in a callous display of sheer and desperate political opportunism, announces its decision to split the state.  Result:  Now it has two sets of people indulging in agitations and rallies - one seeking the new state and another against that.

@Why: It did not require great political sagacity, not even significant intelligence but just a bit of effort to use a pea-sized brain, to envision what would happen if the split of the state was announced.  Why is the government wringing its hands in witless despair now, clearly caught between the rock and the hard place?  Didn't it see what was coming, when most others could? Unless, of course, someone saw merit in engulfing the whole state in despair as against firmly dealing with the faction seeking change in status quo.  If this is indeed the case, for god's sake, why?

@What: With the frequent tussles between Democrats and Republicans resulting in the government teetering on the brink of financial collapse and economic rating downgrade, the US Congress has started resembling the Indian Parliament in some ways, especially the utter disregard of national interests for the sake of some brownie points for a party's skewed hardline position.

@Why: Days were when the democracies of the world looked up at the US Government and Congress with awe and respect, as role models in the conduct of parliamentary business. Indian public wanted the country's politicians to learn from the US system to run the parliament effectively and with dignity, whatever their differences.  For some strange reason, it looks like the roles have been reversed suddenly and the US politicians have developed this suicidal desire to ape the Indian politicians' way of ruining the country's reputation and economic standing, with their narrow, selfish, party-driven thinking and mindless theatrics.  What next?  John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi leading their chosen teams to India for crash courses in the art (or is it `science'?) of accurately hurling mikes and miscellaneous objects at each other and sticking their tongues out at their opponents to express their displeasure?  Why?

Finally, a recent news item indicated that the Chief Minister of Karnataka State has expressed his ardent desire to get a Bullet Train clone to run between Bangalore and Mysore.   I am not even going to ask Why! I know somebody told him to follow his dream and he did.  Just that it is a bad dream, I think. Let us run our 60 km-per hour `super-fast' trains well and safely for 5 years without any accident and then `dream' about high-speed trains!!  Why, you ask!  You need to assimilate a bit more knowledge on the Indian Rail system and its ways.  Start now, you wisdom-seeker!