A party can involve (a) a few friends (b) friends and family members (c) some colleagues and acquaintances (d) all those and plenty of strangers and so on, depending on the reason for the party. For many, any excuse will do to stitch together a party, when whoever available just shows up and in many cases, it is a carefully manicured event with a proper list of invitees. Some individuals frequently manage to have a party of one - a synonym for their solitary drinking binges, in an attempt to find their true selves, which are resolutely concealed from the world.
Let me confess I am far from being an avid party-man and am most comfortable when it is a small group of good friends and/or family members. What I am distinctly uncomfortable with, are those parties in which the crowd is somewhat larger, but still compact enough to compel you brush your nose against some alien cheek from time to time. Invariably necessitating awkward conversations with complete strangers -- God bless them, I do realize the fault is not theirs, but entirely is an unavoidable consequence of my own DNA -- who happen to be on completely different wave-lengths. Such tete-a-tetes usually don't stir up anything in you except a sense of frustrated wonderment as to `what the heck am I doing and for Pete's sake, why'! And yet, as much as we want to avoid such banal encounters, they are just thrust upon you in each party and are par for the course. Then, there are those jamborees, where you are a hapless misplaced speck, intentionally added by the host in the last minute, just so the number-objective can be achieved. I scrupulously avoid these where no-one is going to miss you and you won't subsequently be called upon to provide even a stupid excuse for your absence (remember, you are a speck anyway). However, these are the parties which have given me the required space and time to stay anonymous in a crowd, look around, make some objective assessments and pigeon-hole my fellow-party-men/women. Following are some types we meet and the nomenclatures may be read as gender-neutral.
(1) Spiderman. Being hawk-eyed and ever vigilant, he is waiting to catch any unsuspecting individual walking by and eat his/her head off for the next twenty minutes, while craftily blocking all ways of escape. Obviously only those will be caught who are not beware; those who know the individual, carefully avoid stepping into the danger web-zone. If the catch is hoping to slide away after a strong show of reluctance to engage in conversation, that doesn't help because lack of participation from the other end never shuts them up. Instead, they tend to talk for both!! Until the next victim is visible on the horizon, there is no respite for the current one.
(2) Superman. He has done all that you have done and better, bigger and on a different level. If you have trekked to the top of Nandi Hills, he has conquered Everest; if you have played league cricket in Madras, he has played for two different States in Ranji trophy (it does not matter that you cannot recollect anything about this, despite your continued interest in Ranji trophy cricket); if you have been to Galapagos, he has been on a expedition to Antarctica, all alone, such that no one else can vouch for him. So on. Until his wife comes and steely-eyed, emits a monosyllabic, low-decibel bark at him and he tucks his tail where it should be and becomes the veritable supplicant that he actually is, completely domesticated in all respects.
(3) Arnab Goswamy/Navika Kumar. These people have a firm opinion, not necessarily subject to debate, on everything under the sun and beyond. They believe in shouting from the roof top what they think, without giving any body else any leeway to utter two words edge-ways, unless they have to catch their breath or are tired, which is seldom. They use a lethal combination of loquaciousness and a loud delivery mechanism (read larynx power) to overpower the rest of humanity. They come having done their homework in recent conversational and controversial topics and are well prepared to bludgeon others into submission with their untiring tirades and argumentativeness. You wish you had a remote to switch them off!!
(4) Barman. The objective of this tribe, usually in a small party, is very clear. To serve one drink to somebody and have a balancing tipple themselves. People who efficiently and willingly take over the barman's role, relieving the host of an essential responsibility. Not because they have some emotional attachment to the host, but more to the stuff they serve. This camouflage enables them to drink quietly while waiting for the next guest, without attracting serious attention to themselves. This man would suggest very subtly to the hosts that they are better off letting him handle the job and focus on the guests. If it is a party without alcohol, this job does not generate much interest and this type is conspicuously absent.
(5) Solitary Reaper. Definitely not what Wordsworth had in mind, because they can probably never sing to save their own souls. They are not interested in any type of conversation or people. Period. Look carefully and you can identify all those traits of a hermit who has recently emerged from the cave, evicted under duress by compelling circumstances. They just sit quietly in some forsaken corner, watching the goings-on with a benign eye and concentrating on the snacks. They have carefully nurtured this knack of giving the impression that they do not exist, what with their utter silence or when terribly coerced, single syllables muttered under their breath that go for responses. Until some very close friend of forty years hops on for an exchange for a couple of boring minutes and leaves, with both parties absolutely relieved and better off when the tryst ends. The discomfiture caused by such unnerving interruptions is very quickly replaced in the individual by complete solace in solitude very swiftly.
(6) Flitter. They come to parties only to hold their drinks and diligently circulate to all corners of the room, meeting every single person present, collecting business cards wherever possible. No substantive conversation is necessary for them, principally because they are incapable of such a thing. They want to tick off all the boxes and are intent on wider coverage than involved in pow-wows for long. More accent on quantity than on quality, if you dig that. Very doubtful if they recall too many new names or faces, two hours after they depart the scene. But when they are at it, it seems they put on a show as if they have known everyone for decades. And when they leave, no one misses them either.
(7) Interviewer. Some people are insistent on gathering all the information -- personal, professional, whatever -- that they can elicit from those willing to fill in the details. This includes your personal assets, where you met your spouse, whether your sons in USA are vegetarians still or they have strayed off into carnivore territory, what illnesses you have had in the past decade, which doctor you go to and what tablets you take. Even if you unambiguously express your reluctance to provide the information, they, leech-like, do not let you go until some scraps are sucked up, whether the data is real or cooked up. I wonder what they do with that load of garbage. But, I shudder to think of the next chance-meeting at another party with such individuals, when they may may want to resume and reconfirm all that you said and ask for more!
(8) Matchmaker. Very well-intentioned and genuinely desirous of helping friends and relatives, who are generally in a distress mode because their offspring are refusing to walk into wedlock. They are constantly on the look out for information which will facilitate matching up somebody's daughter with somebody's son. I understand in the last couple of years, the scope has expanded to include matching up sons and sons as well as daughters and daughters. All is well that ends well. So focused this type is in this pursuit that they eschew all other subjects and navigate conversation with single minded dedication in one direction all the time. The world needs people like that and they are rendering exceptional social service, so power to them.
(9) Raconteur. There is always an eager crowd, gathered around these, hanging on to whatever is being said. They are the exceptional story-tellers and glean through their library before coming to a party, well endowed with anecdotes, jokes and stories. Very entertaining and tend to laugh raucously at their own jokes. But even they cannot avoid repetition and if you end up with them in multiple parties, it is better to avoid these. Because though they are smashing with their wit, after a few parties, unfortunately you tend to hear the same stories which draw the biggest laughs and give the teller the highs. They cannot avoid that. But others can.
(10) Multi-Party Animal. Not labelling them in any derogatory sense, but am wonder-struck as to how they can do four parties in one night, when some of us cannot even handle one in a fortnight. This species come to parties, when almost everybody is done with gossip, drinks and food. Just to make an appearance in all their finery, wave to a few people majestically, hug the hosts and leave saying they have to attend two or three more parties after midnight. And most people remember these blokes only for those fleeting appearances they make when people are half-asleep. I have been tempted to follow some of them to see if they go straight back home and tuck themselves into bed, who knows! But, the idea behind attending parties this way is a mystery to me.
I am sure I have missed a few other party types. Like the hard core foodies, who go only for the sustenance the parties provide and make a quick get-away as soon as their job is done. I have a feeling this last type is the one which probably enjoys parties the most, regardless of the quality of company.
Let me confess I am far from being an avid party-man and am most comfortable when it is a small group of good friends and/or family members. What I am distinctly uncomfortable with, are those parties in which the crowd is somewhat larger, but still compact enough to compel you brush your nose against some alien cheek from time to time. Invariably necessitating awkward conversations with complete strangers -- God bless them, I do realize the fault is not theirs, but entirely is an unavoidable consequence of my own DNA -- who happen to be on completely different wave-lengths. Such tete-a-tetes usually don't stir up anything in you except a sense of frustrated wonderment as to `what the heck am I doing and for Pete's sake, why'! And yet, as much as we want to avoid such banal encounters, they are just thrust upon you in each party and are par for the course. Then, there are those jamborees, where you are a hapless misplaced speck, intentionally added by the host in the last minute, just so the number-objective can be achieved. I scrupulously avoid these where no-one is going to miss you and you won't subsequently be called upon to provide even a stupid excuse for your absence (remember, you are a speck anyway). However, these are the parties which have given me the required space and time to stay anonymous in a crowd, look around, make some objective assessments and pigeon-hole my fellow-party-men/women. Following are some types we meet and the nomenclatures may be read as gender-neutral.
(1) Spiderman. Being hawk-eyed and ever vigilant, he is waiting to catch any unsuspecting individual walking by and eat his/her head off for the next twenty minutes, while craftily blocking all ways of escape. Obviously only those will be caught who are not beware; those who know the individual, carefully avoid stepping into the danger web-zone. If the catch is hoping to slide away after a strong show of reluctance to engage in conversation, that doesn't help because lack of participation from the other end never shuts them up. Instead, they tend to talk for both!! Until the next victim is visible on the horizon, there is no respite for the current one.
(2) Superman. He has done all that you have done and better, bigger and on a different level. If you have trekked to the top of Nandi Hills, he has conquered Everest; if you have played league cricket in Madras, he has played for two different States in Ranji trophy (it does not matter that you cannot recollect anything about this, despite your continued interest in Ranji trophy cricket); if you have been to Galapagos, he has been on a expedition to Antarctica, all alone, such that no one else can vouch for him. So on. Until his wife comes and steely-eyed, emits a monosyllabic, low-decibel bark at him and he tucks his tail where it should be and becomes the veritable supplicant that he actually is, completely domesticated in all respects.
(3) Arnab Goswamy/Navika Kumar. These people have a firm opinion, not necessarily subject to debate, on everything under the sun and beyond. They believe in shouting from the roof top what they think, without giving any body else any leeway to utter two words edge-ways, unless they have to catch their breath or are tired, which is seldom. They use a lethal combination of loquaciousness and a loud delivery mechanism (read larynx power) to overpower the rest of humanity. They come having done their homework in recent conversational and controversial topics and are well prepared to bludgeon others into submission with their untiring tirades and argumentativeness. You wish you had a remote to switch them off!!
(4) Barman. The objective of this tribe, usually in a small party, is very clear. To serve one drink to somebody and have a balancing tipple themselves. People who efficiently and willingly take over the barman's role, relieving the host of an essential responsibility. Not because they have some emotional attachment to the host, but more to the stuff they serve. This camouflage enables them to drink quietly while waiting for the next guest, without attracting serious attention to themselves. This man would suggest very subtly to the hosts that they are better off letting him handle the job and focus on the guests. If it is a party without alcohol, this job does not generate much interest and this type is conspicuously absent.
(5) Solitary Reaper. Definitely not what Wordsworth had in mind, because they can probably never sing to save their own souls. They are not interested in any type of conversation or people. Period. Look carefully and you can identify all those traits of a hermit who has recently emerged from the cave, evicted under duress by compelling circumstances. They just sit quietly in some forsaken corner, watching the goings-on with a benign eye and concentrating on the snacks. They have carefully nurtured this knack of giving the impression that they do not exist, what with their utter silence or when terribly coerced, single syllables muttered under their breath that go for responses. Until some very close friend of forty years hops on for an exchange for a couple of boring minutes and leaves, with both parties absolutely relieved and better off when the tryst ends. The discomfiture caused by such unnerving interruptions is very quickly replaced in the individual by complete solace in solitude very swiftly.
(6) Flitter. They come to parties only to hold their drinks and diligently circulate to all corners of the room, meeting every single person present, collecting business cards wherever possible. No substantive conversation is necessary for them, principally because they are incapable of such a thing. They want to tick off all the boxes and are intent on wider coverage than involved in pow-wows for long. More accent on quantity than on quality, if you dig that. Very doubtful if they recall too many new names or faces, two hours after they depart the scene. But when they are at it, it seems they put on a show as if they have known everyone for decades. And when they leave, no one misses them either.
(7) Interviewer. Some people are insistent on gathering all the information -- personal, professional, whatever -- that they can elicit from those willing to fill in the details. This includes your personal assets, where you met your spouse, whether your sons in USA are vegetarians still or they have strayed off into carnivore territory, what illnesses you have had in the past decade, which doctor you go to and what tablets you take. Even if you unambiguously express your reluctance to provide the information, they, leech-like, do not let you go until some scraps are sucked up, whether the data is real or cooked up. I wonder what they do with that load of garbage. But, I shudder to think of the next chance-meeting at another party with such individuals, when they may may want to resume and reconfirm all that you said and ask for more!
(8) Matchmaker. Very well-intentioned and genuinely desirous of helping friends and relatives, who are generally in a distress mode because their offspring are refusing to walk into wedlock. They are constantly on the look out for information which will facilitate matching up somebody's daughter with somebody's son. I understand in the last couple of years, the scope has expanded to include matching up sons and sons as well as daughters and daughters. All is well that ends well. So focused this type is in this pursuit that they eschew all other subjects and navigate conversation with single minded dedication in one direction all the time. The world needs people like that and they are rendering exceptional social service, so power to them.
(9) Raconteur. There is always an eager crowd, gathered around these, hanging on to whatever is being said. They are the exceptional story-tellers and glean through their library before coming to a party, well endowed with anecdotes, jokes and stories. Very entertaining and tend to laugh raucously at their own jokes. But even they cannot avoid repetition and if you end up with them in multiple parties, it is better to avoid these. Because though they are smashing with their wit, after a few parties, unfortunately you tend to hear the same stories which draw the biggest laughs and give the teller the highs. They cannot avoid that. But others can.
(10) Multi-Party Animal. Not labelling them in any derogatory sense, but am wonder-struck as to how they can do four parties in one night, when some of us cannot even handle one in a fortnight. This species come to parties, when almost everybody is done with gossip, drinks and food. Just to make an appearance in all their finery, wave to a few people majestically, hug the hosts and leave saying they have to attend two or three more parties after midnight. And most people remember these blokes only for those fleeting appearances they make when people are half-asleep. I have been tempted to follow some of them to see if they go straight back home and tuck themselves into bed, who knows! But, the idea behind attending parties this way is a mystery to me.
I am sure I have missed a few other party types. Like the hard core foodies, who go only for the sustenance the parties provide and make a quick get-away as soon as their job is done. I have a feeling this last type is the one which probably enjoys parties the most, regardless of the quality of company.
