Movie Review

This piece was written in the last quarter of 2009, prior to the commencement of the periodic infliction I regularly make on this unfortunately captive audience, in the name of blogposts.  I chanced upon this now and wondered why this group and posterity should be deprived of yet another dose.  So, here it is.

In the past, my routine prattle had never included a commentary on or review of a movie.  But, there is always a first and I decided to add this genre to my repertoire, after seeing Kandasamy (Tamil).  If you wonder what was it about this movie which provoked me to wade into unchartered waters (i.e movie review), let me clarify it was definitely not any extreme emotion like agony or ecstasy – the film was not sensible enough to evoke anything but incredulity that there are producers who sink money into such ventures and also that there are dumb and docile lambs like us who are regularly led to slaughter on the altar of such cinema!

When I found out that some rabid Tamil movie buffs in the community, undoubtedly in the mood for self-flagellation, were intent on watching Quick Gun Murugan, I hastily read the reviews of the movie and found out that it was best left in the theatres which we have neither the desire nor hope of visiting.  But who can contend with fate??  I very casually suggested to the group that we may want to try Kandasamy.  Someone demonstrated unusual alacrity in getting tickets and lo and behold, we were herded into two cars and taken to the multiplex.  It began well (am not referring to the movie) with a visit for a good cuppa, but I was startled to see the hungry look on  the face of some members of the group.  They were ogling -  no, not what you think -  at the foodstuff on display in the cafeteria with greedy eyes and the mystery was solved when the disclosure was made that the hurried departure from homes had meant their foregoing that nourishing, nightly repast called dinner.  We should have taken the cue and fed them before going into the theatre.  We collectively lacked that kind of wisdom and ignored their pleas for anything consumable; and that was the second mistake we made (those perceptive readers among you would have, by now, deciphered  what the first one was!).  Feeding hungry mouths at that time would have resulted in two major benefits.  We would have avoided some 15 minutes of the movie - a major moral victory for us, with commensurate reduction in the pain absorbed by us.  Second, we could have eliminated all the disruptions that followed during the movie in our vicinity.  As it turned out, I felt very dejected by the time we were finished with the movie, because the entire show was punctuated by people on both flanks passing various eatables to and fro, despite muttered objections from some of us.  I dont know about the others, but I felt cheated, not because the movie was great  and we missed out on parts, but because these extraneous activities impinged on the visual treat the director was dishing out, concentrating entirely on the backsides of various cast members.

I confess I am given to hyperbole and there is a bit of that in this, but let me assure that the movie showed us more of the leading lady’s derriere (dont rush to book your tickets yet, that part of her anatomy was dressed adequately) than her face.  Then I recognized the diabolical intelligence of the director in this choice - one could not but agree with him that he had a reasonable chance of making her emote a little with her bum and none at all with her face.  I think he achieved his goal and that explains why there was so much of backsides in the movie.  But then the director erred, grievously in my opinion, when he chose to extend the experiment and included a host of other derrieres (the hero, the comedian and some others).  That soured the pitch for even the most avid bum-watchers because there was only so much of this activity you could take in one sitting.  We had to put up with a cross-dressed hero wiggling his and the comedian --------- oh, let me not get into the gory details! There could be two other major complaints about the movie - that it is very long at 3+ hours and that at times it gave us a distinct impression of being in a zoo, what with the hero preening like a cock half the time and the heroine singing `meow meow poonakutti' or something as enchanting as that.  The songs were eminently forgettable and the comedy track, terrible.  The hero tries to `act' a bit, but then the director would have none of that; he manages to pack his face in a mask half the time, to successfully thwart any serious attempt at histrionics. 

A few days later, while we were recovering from this onslaught of a movie, I read some other reviews and was shocked to find hat it was rated, ahem, a success/hit.  One review praised the director for using technology to create the super-hero movie effect.  We saw a couple of laptops, some mobile phones, a winch and a whole lot of rope (to help the hero with vertical and horizontal movement a few feet above ground) and some fireworks.  That was technology?  Someone wrote that it was a great treat for the `youth'.  That bit was on the coin.  Surely this critic was referring to the same feature that caught our attention in the movie!!   In balance, my sympathies were with those group members who had to see that movie without dinner. Some of us at least had a good meal to brace ourselves before we went thru the wringer!!  If the producer is looking to retitle the movie to be in line with those seedy, Malayalam movies in the 70s, he can run a competition and would get a load of very appropriate responses.

Serial-Watching

It is pretty common to find that people now prefer to be home-bound in the evenings.   Blame it on `serial' watching.  I dont believe this is an isolated scene in one house.  Come evenings, a rather large sub-set of the population in India commences its diligent and untiring vigil in front of TV sets, going through a few hours of `serial' watching.  What seems to be a rather laborious endeavour, involves serially and seriously watching all the serials shown on the TV in the evenings, with short comfort breaks.  The language of the offering might differ and the degree of seriousness with which the proceedings are followed might vary, but one must accept that this `serial' business has managed to keep this chunk of population away from real-life shenanigans as well as other minor/major concerns for those few hours.  From time to time, as an entirely disinterested outsider, one tried to sit through a couple of `episodes' of serials to glean what the learning could be.  Here are some observations, with particular reference to Tamil language serials.


-- The advertised time slot for an episode could be 30 minutes usually, but that does not mean you are going to get great insights into the lives of family members in the serial for the full time.  About 4 minutes of earth-shaking events are followed by 2 minutes of advertisements.  So, you are very fortunate if you get some 15-20 minutes of the tumultuous happenings in one episode.  Some of us are likely to find the advertisements to be more entertaining and relieving, but this is not something I would admit in the presence of expert serial watchers.  Apart from commercial compulsions, one reason for this rationed supply could be that the director probably thinks that no one can take more than 20 minutes of his potent stuff in one sitting.

-- But the masochists that the serial watchers are, they clamour for more of the stuff.  That explains why they are willing to sit through 6 or more serials at one time.  It helps that one serial does not vary much from the next.  Actually, if they remove the titles and merge all the serials into one continuous show, punctuated by the immensely soothing advertisement breaks, no one will be worse off.  This is primarily because about 80% of the serials seem to deal with the same theme of families riven by problems, with similar looking characters and the same bunch of actors.  Unless you are a regular with the intuitive feel for the essence of the serials, it might be impossible to tell one serial from another most of the times.

-- It is sometimes so comical that even a seriously avid watcher is surprised by some occurrence. I have heard the watching-uncle, jolted out of his reverie by the entry of a character, blurting out, `I thought this guy died three episodes earlier and they cremated him; how can he come back phoenix-like'?  The watching-auntie, blessed with enormous experience and superior intellect, gave the usual withering look that erring parties fully deserved and testily clarified that the death and cremation happened in serial ABC, but in this serial XYZ he was alive and kicking; with no intention to fade away before he inflicts the full quota of pain on the viewers, as allotted to him by the director.  At another time, the watching-grandmother, afflicted with occasional memory lapses, was heard to wonder how the relationship between two people in a serial had changed suddenly from maternal uncle and nephew to father and son!!  Watching-grandfather had to gently remind that the lady was confusing two different serials.   This is the result of stereotyping, which has taken its toll and the same actors perform similar roles across serials.  I guess, producers and directors are smelling savings in terms of make-up, rehearsals, production time etc, due to this convenience. Having to innovate can be quite a taxing exercise; why strain what little grey matter we have when captive audiences gobble up whatever is served??

-- Another fixed feature is the predictability of the next scene.  When the daughter of the house elopes with a neighbourhood rowdie (all heroes inevitably emerge from this cluster, as you know), one does not have to be blessed with tremendous foresight to predict what would follow -- the shrill and sorrowless wailing of the mother, the high decibel declamation of the father, who delivers a couple of blows to the wife for not bringing up the daughter well (incidentally, women-beating is a permanent feature of all serials to such an extent that non practising men might feel deficient and unworthy of their status in life), the whimpering of the siblings hiding behind a bored grandmother (she had done the same scene in about thirty serials in the past) and the machete-wielding of the vengeful brothers -- these reactions seldom change.  A good serial is expected to have at least a couple of scheming women (villainy is no longer the male preserve!), who want to sport expressions befitting Marlon Brando in Godfather, but end up going through 30 episodes with the same scowl creased into their faces, not yielding to any other expression that may be warranted by the changing situations.

-- An intermittent or inadvertent watcher of the serial may be excused for the blasphemous comparison of the pace of the serials to a snail's progress.  Even if you watch a serial after 10 weeks, you may find that there has been very little movement in the story and you can fully grasp the goings-on.  A couple of characters have moved a few yards away from their previous position, but most of them are still rooted where they were, still dealing with the same sliver of a problem they were grappling with earlier.  I guess this is how the smart director keeps  occasional watchers also involved in the drama that keeps threatening to unfold.

-- All over South India, the traditional take is that evening (around 6 pm) is a very auspicious time, when  prayers are offered at homes after lighting up lamps. Times were when in a lot of homes, elders did not encourage uttering anything inauspicious during this time.  What are the same elders doing today at that auspicious time??  Sitting in front of TV and watching/hearing copious and non-stop wailing/crying of women in various stages of distress in different family dramas.   And the background music is so gallingly mournful.  This happens every single day, as if serials reserve the choicest of such scenes for this time-slot.  When I diffidently raised the matter with elders at home, all I extracted in response were baleful glares.  And that reminds me - there is precious little comedy in the serials, as if it is banished by design - the direct opposite of what happens in American TV, where sitcoms prevail.  I guess making people cry is far easier!

I probably aired my views once too often.  I even made fun of people when they were not watching TV, asking them to return forthwith since the channel is holding up the serial, after seeing that some people have taken a break!!  I had a vague feeling I would face the consequences.  I did.  One day, my mother walked in to the other TV on which we were watching a cricket test match.  She just glowered at me and said `isn't it the same ball, same bat, same bunkum that you are watching for the past few decades??  So what if the serials look the same.  To me all cricket games look the same too'.  With that, she triumphantly marched out, not even waiting to see the impact that statement had made on the gaping gentlemen in the room!!

What else?? Jana Lokpal Drafting Committee!

A number of controversies have erupted like blisters since Anna Hazare jump-started the near-moribund collective conscience of India's civil society, which has admirably adapted itself to living with humongous  corruption all around.  That number is matched only by the array of corruption cases and scams that continue to surface with alarming frequency across the country.  While the arguments will go on well after the last cow comes home as to the pros and cons of the process adopted by Anna Hazare and Co. as well as the outcome, what intrigues me as a common man is the glibness with which some people have put forth an argument as to why what happened is not good for democracy and democratic institutions.  One representative argument is that by going on fast, Anna Hazare had blackmailed the government into bypassing established democratic processes and having his own choice of individuals on the Drafting Committee (DC).

From where the man-on-the-street is looking,  political parties and politicians had all the time they needed and more, over 40 years to be in the ball-park, to bring about some meaningful legislation to lend teeth to institutions like Lokpal and Lokayukta; but they conveniently did nothing significant to improve the situation in the fight against corruption.  The motive is not far to seek;  status quo suited politicians and bureaucrats very well.  Why would even a half-intelligent politician/bureaucrat want to tighten the noose around his own neck, when the going is so good??  So, collectively, whether it be in the states or centre, precious little has been done to facilitate speedy and effective prosecution of offenders, and to deter others through exemplary punishment for those convicted.  At every turn some hurdle is being erected by people with vested interests, using some excuse or loophole in the laws dealing with cases of corruption.  A good example is the case being handled by the Karnataka Lokayukta.  Despite very impressive and thorough investigative work and proof-gathering, cases involving illegal mining by powerful politicians have been brazenly and systematically pushed back, until the Supreme Court intervened.  The whole idea has been to delay the process by stonewalling, until the next legal or procedural loophole can be identified and exploited to secure some more time to line the pockets further.  And our anti-corruption laws have been rendered so toothless that the offenders flaunt and strut their stuff openly, with outrageous contempt for everything to do with law and democracy.

How does anyone explain the phenomenal increase in the wealth of politicians between two elections??  The numbers are mind-boggling.  One politician in Andhra has declared assets in  2010, showing an increase of about 600% in his wealth in 4 years; and then, it looks like that number does not even account for half of the booty! When numbers declared are like Rs 40,000 crores etc, one wonders how can anyone accumulate such wealth in the span of a few years??  Unless, a big chunk of this has come from money which belongs to the country at large?

In this context, if a senior editor of a respected magazine states that what Anna Hazare and Co. have done is heap ridicule on the democratic institutions in India, the common man wonders whether this editor is off his rocker!!  Dirty politicians and bureaucrats are swindling the country;  same politicians are entrusted with the responsibility of legislating to punish corruption - a classic case of the fence eating the crop; they have not done their job in over 40 years because any change for the better undermines their avaricious ways ; the so-called democratic structures seem to have failed to find a remedy; now a new beginning has been made through another route and you find fault with that?; why would any right-thinking individual object?   It is not as if a legislation is being passed on the street; all that has been done is to ensure that the next edition of the Lokpal bill has appropriate provisions to plug all the holes, which have been deliberately left there to be exploited.  If the government had its way, it would have pushed this burning issue further into the background without any compunction; or it would have, at best, pretended to add a line here and another there to the legislation and left the core of the laws exactly as they are, so that the flag-bearers of democracy in the government continue with their merry ways.  This committee, with 5 people genuinely representing the interests of people at large, can counter all the manipulations of the 5 government sponsored members to ensure that some reasonable improvements are suggested in the draft.  Why is there such a furor from some quarters to this process, as if Anna Hazare is going to promulgate a new law against corruption?  After all, when the draft is ready, it will be discussed in the parliament, right??

I wonder what is being bypassed!  Democratic institutions in the country which were not performing their duties have been given a gentle reminder that they should wake up.  Why are some people shedding crocodile tears now, when all that has been done is to force those institutions to rectify the problem?  Would such individuals stand up and suggest an alternative route?  Or do they want the menace of corruption to continue unchecked until majority of the politicians decide they have had enough of raping the country, its resources, the public, have a change of heart suddenly and decide to pass a new legislation to deal with corruption?
It has been sometime since I heard such sanctimonious humbug from anyone, really!!

Product Advertisements - 1

I have always wondered why consumers take the bait when products do `interesting' and over-the-top advertising.  I found out why.

Recently, I came across an advertisement on the front page of a national newspaper about an ayurvedic oil.  It proclaimed that the oil, if used to massage the fatty areas of one's body, will reduce body weight.   Having carried some excess baggage for the better part of my life despite all the physical rigours one undertook, I was tempted to resort to what seemed a pretty easy way out.  Massage and chill for a while and you end up losing weight - irresistibly appealing, right??  Wow, not bad, I thought and bought a bottle of this miracle oil - and I must admit that even as I was leaving the counter of the shop, I felt a bit lighter, not giving a thought to that leaner wallet of mine.

As is usual with all these things, there was a brochure, folded about 24 times very tightly, tucked inside the box, along with bottle of oil.  I was going to chuck it into the waste paper basket, the standard treatment meted out to such pieces of literature by most of us, when something made me unfold the paper.  That took about 10 minutes (I would suggest everyone does this in future because this exercise probably made me lose more weight than the oil would in a month!) and I finally had the sheet spread on the table.  Looking down, I was perplexed a bit since I could not decipher the contents.  The font was one of the smallest I had ever seen and was so truly unreadable that I had difficulty in even realising that I had spread the sheet upside down.  When I solved that puzzle and straightened it, I needed a magnifying glass to get going.  I probably lost another kilo in rummaging through various storage locations in the house to retrieve the required implement.   I went to work, with a view to unravelling the mystery that this oil was, by reading the brochure.  To begin with,  it mentioned some 40 different herbs' rather unpronounceable names and extolled their virtues, without really committing that those are all in the oil - devilishly clever, aren't they??   By the time I finished, it dawned on me that what I had just bought was probably used by Sage Agastya himself to stay lean and fit even after consuming full goats (like the one Vatapi had metamorphosed into) for breakfasts and light snacks!  No doubt, I felt encouraged.

I continued reading.  Now, the brochure started dwelling upon the massaging method to be used for optimal results.  Fair enough.  Who can contest such good intent?  First, one had to rub the oil on fatty areas and massage for minimum of 30 minutes.   Now, it is common knowledge that if fat men had 30 minutes to spare, they usually veer towards having another calorie-laden meal.  So, this is a brilliant ploy - take away that extra time from gluttons so that they consume less and voila, lose weight; all this, while they psychologically attribute this great result to the oil!!  But, in the hurly-burly routine of daily life, how is one to find 30 minutes for this??  Unlike other forms of exercise, in this case, unfortunately, once you undress and massage yourself with this oil, you are in no condition to make any public appearance, for obvious reasons.  That means you do the massaging and stay inside your bathroom for the specified time - not a very entertaining prospect.  The smart-alecs might now have a bright idea - why not have someone else do the massage??  Here lies the rub.  You must realise that the weight-loss potential is based completely on the assumption that you will massage yourself vigorously for 30 minutes daily for 6 months, nothing less.  The brochure does not allow any leeway in this.  The idea is to make you lose weight through the effort involved in massaging yourself - there is probably nothing to the oil, except a pleasant fragrance, to lend to the ambience and deflect your thoughts from the hard labour you would never have consciously subjected yourself to.  Under the circumstances, it is blatantly counter-productive to seek external help for the massaging process.  You see why generally masseurs are all lean and reed-like?  Only because they spend their energy massaging OTHERS and this oil `works' on the same premise - the only catch is you have to do the work yourself.

Other important pieces of information given in that brochure, which you normally dont read, are:  You have to be at it for 6 months without a break, use at least 4 bottles a month (quantity required is directly proportional to the accumulated fat in your body), and you need to give warm-water fomentation to the massaged part for another 20 minutes post-massage (i.e. more physical labour to make you lose weight).  If you are the type who can add without a calculator, you have already come to the conclusion that you spend close to one hour daily in this ritual, if you follow the instructions.  You also vaguely realise that something revolutionary is happening in your life.  The manufacturers of this oil have deviously persuaded you to do exactly that thing which has been anathema to all podgy men - EXERCISE, and you think you are losing weight because of the oil.

Now that I am wiser, I suggest a good alternative - take some warm water and do the massaging, you will still  get results and what more, you save the money spent on the oil.  In the summer months, though, this oil might be cheaper option.

The problem was that I read the brochure that came with the 5th bottle of oil, trying to figure out if I was doing the massaging correctly and wondering why I was not losing much weight.  I wish I had done that the first time around.  Clearly, I am not as good and honest a masseur as the product brochure demands me to be; so I concluded that I will never lose weight this way, unless there is an oil which permits massages by another party and requires only minimal physical exertion after the massage as in retiring for a good nap.  With this knowledge tucked into my mind, I am now back to walking (all those who queried where I was intermittently during the past 3 months - the answer is here....I was tired after the massaging process and could not indulge any further `exercise') and am feeling a lot better because I have time for my breakfast, am not spending money on the oil and best of all, am not being conned into exercising in any other way!!

Shall continue with the next product sometime later.

The Vista Mosquito

Context:  We live in a gated community called Adarsh Vista, in Bangalore.  There is a lake nearby and also plenty of vegetation inside the community, providing for positively enjoyable environs for mosquitoes to breed and flourish.  We are experimenting with different things to reduce the mosquito menace and this is the scribe's take on available choices.  Also, the author has recently shed his Management Committee (MC) member position in the Owners' Association, after a year in office.

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I am thrilled to be writing a note after a long time, as a free agent, not fettered by the chain of a position of `immense power and authority'.  Not having to pretend that my statements are going to be interpreted as gospel by an adoring community, completely besotted with its MC members is such a big relief. 

Nobody took me seriously when I was writing all those official-sounding communications on behalf of the MC, going by the most trenchant of critics I have, who happens to be in-house. Believe me, I was the lone committee member to be impressed with the policy and process statements we churned out; my fellow members were wondering which planet I descended from, trying to convert every scratchy statement into a piece of literature! So, I am sure there is absolutely no chance of anyone attaching any vestige of importance to this message, now that I stand here, all authority stripped from me - like a veritable Samson who has just been to the neighbourhood barber.  I am counting on that in making these rather frivolous and gratuitous comments regarding our Common Adversary No.1 these days, The Vista Mosquito (VM)!

Let us consider the pros and cons of fogging vs citronella spray, the two choices we are mulling, in our fight with the VM.

I think the fogging exercise is superior in some very obvious ways.  It is noisier to begin with.  Usually, when the motor is started in your vicinity without the much-needed notice, there is a probability that the weak-kneed, infirm, children and senior citizens get startled. Only after the familiar roar gets going, the smile returns to the lips of the masses, their faces are uncreased and they nod their heads in complete understanding and satisfaction.  The noise itself, which is high in decibel level, should be adequate to scare the Mosquito off our turf.  But the fact is that the typical Vista Mosquito (VM) is fortified with all kinds of vitamins from the nutrients flowing into the adjacent lake, in the form of sewage.  So VM is probably the strongest of the mosquitoes

going around.  To boot, it has heard the same `fogging' noise, without any variation - this speaks volumes of the utter lack of innovation and imagination on the part of the service provider -  for a few years now and if you look carefully enough, you can discern the familar startled-bemused-understanding-satisfied look on its visage also, in that sequence, when the fogging exercise commences. You cannot blame it because during the day time it lives in the lake-area and frequently encounters the noise of jet engines roaring overhead or trains chugging along with all the attendant noises.  So, in short, `fogging' noise has lost its relevance and appeal, as far as VM is concerned.   It has become impervious to that noise part of fogging.  May be, the service provider can be woken up and asked to try a different audio effect.

What is more impressive about fogging is the white smoke it generates from the bazooka-like implement.  I can hear some anti-foggers muttering `that is actually a smoke-screen'.  Be that as it may, no one can dispute the fact that once the fogging is done in a specific area, it resembles a film set, fit for a dream sequence with top-notch stars from yesteryears gracefully gliding through a melodious song!! I am at that stage in life when chances of the tinsel town recognizing my histrionic talents (not that it is a requisite for actors today) are remote and these carefully concealed skills of mine will probably die unsung. So, whenever I go for a walk and the fogging begins, I let my imagination fly and metamorphose into a star with work to do.  This is enjoyment in a different dimension and  I invite the multitudes in Vista to partake of the fun.  Unfortunately, these billows of smoke also fail to deter VM, for the aforesaid reasons - simply stated, familiarity has bred contempt in VM for the smoke too. Looking closely at some of the mosquitos, I get the distinct feeling that they have also figured out the entertainment potential of the daily dose of smoke and are already preening like actors, doing a group dance. 

What about the toxic fumes, one may ask.  Do you hear that collective snigger originating from the congregation of VMs??  Reliable information is that infant mortality rate among VMs, exposed to the lethal fumes is very low at about 0.00025% and such cases are restricted to infants up to the age of one hour.  Beyond that, the infants are taken to a designer-creche in the far corner of the lake, away from Vista and given special nourishment from the lake and rigorous training to withstand to the ordeal of the fumes.  In short order, the fumes dont seem to scare the VMs.

Some very logically inclined residents are questioning the validity of the general objection to fogging on the ground that the fumes are toxic and it is a health hazard.  If the fumes do not affect mosquitos, how toxic can they be for humans, is their forceful argument.  They forget that we humans do not have the same kind of nourishment the VMs get from the lake.  Some sections of the residents might believe we also get similar dosage of nutrients from the tanker water we import, but that is another matter and for another day.

Citronella spray, on the other hand, is akin to a timid new entrant in an area where a bully is running amuck.  It begins with a major disadvantage in that it does not have the support system of noise or smoke to announce its arrival.  So, neither the residents nor the VMs really know whether something is happening.  The audio and visual impact of the fogging guy, like a ghost-buster (may be, he is under the erroneous impression that he is dealing only with ghosts of earlier generations of mosquitos?) holding his gun which spews impressive, white plumes of smoke is definitely unmatched by citronella sprayers who themselves walk around like ghosts!! Unless a resident engages in a short flight into one of the walls or bushes, he cannot make out if citronella has been sprayed.  And if it is very diluted (as our sleuths have indeed found it to be), it makes matters more complicated.  There is no smell and then we all know VMs have a field day, literally.  Now, I think citronella smells nice, but am not able to make out whether it is good or bad.  I wonder what happens if VMs, absolutely fearless and belligerent as they are, find the fragrance alluring and send out invitations far and wide to other communities of mosquitos in Bellandur, Varthur and other lakes to come and join the fun!! 

So, there you are, we are in a dilemma. Using some inside information, I can also vouch for the fact that `fogging' is far, far cheaper than citronella spray. If neither is going to work, I would rather go for the cheaper option.  I am sure you will agree that is indeed very sensible.

Incidentally, there was one night about 10 days back when the residents enjoyed a relatively mosquito-free evening.  I have confirmation that neither fogging nor spraying was done on that evening.  So, what happened, we wonder!!  I guess all the VMs were attending their own Annual General Body meeting on the lake, planning their onslaughts for the next year.  And I believe, the quorum requirement was met about 30 minutes before the meeting was to begin.  Well, you see, the mosquitoes are more disciplined than the community in the way they conduct their affairs!!  What hope do we have??

Mr.Manmohan Singh

That Mr.Singh lacks the quality of leadership to govern a complex and corrupt country like India and also the spine to stand up and get counted when things go wrong were very clear even earlier.  What the TV tamasha on Feb 16th proved further is that he is a very confused man who is torn between his innate personal integrity, sullied beyond redemption by his political actions/inaction, and his enormous gratitude to his political masters, the 2Gs, without whose benevolence he would not have climbed to the pre-eminent position of the PM of India.

If it was the same Mr.Singh who was the governor of RBI in the 80s-90s, I am sure he would have resigned and gone home, if so much muck was slapped on his person and he had nowhere to go to clean it!!  Or even when he was the Finance Minister. That was because he was still quintessentially the good academic and clean bureaucrat, who had a similar job to do at a higher level, with the support of a PM (Narasimha Rao) who trusted his judgement in certain areas.  His breadth of responsibilities did not go beyond the familiar turf of Finance and he was comfortable in that. 

When Sonia decided not to take on the job of the PM, she looked around for that someone with immense personal integrity, with a proven ability to do a job at that level, preferably without too much grass-root support and completely devoid of political ambition and she had a prefabricated candidate in Mr.Singh.  It was easy for Mr.Singh to marshal the troops in Finance ministry and deliver what was expected of him, using his known skills and experience.   Whenever there was a conflict between his plans and what other politicians in the party wanted, his political boss managed to iron out the creases, convinced by Mr.Singh's position.  But, when Mr.Singh was made the PM, the dice got loaded against him, simply because this position is all about political skill and management and he would for ever be a novice in that area! Mr.Singh had no power or ammunition at all with him, but was being asked to fight a battle, completely relying on some backroom manipulators! I am sure Mr.Singh had his misgivings about his ability to handle this job, knowing fully well that he was completely out of his depth and had to depend entirely on the Gandhis to manage the hordes of power hungry and corrupt politicians.  The key difference is that as a FM he KNEW the job, but needed political support to execute, whereas as PM, he did not have any qualification for the job except that he was a trusted man of integrity.  The seeds of disaster were sown then.  Even though people were pleased to see a man of his integrity in the PM's position, I am sure many wondered how he was taking the job, knowing fully well that it was a minefield waiting to explode.  A misplaced sense of responsibility to the country and loyalty to the Gandhi family probably drove the soft spoken Sardar to voluntarily walk to the guillotine??  And loads of assurances from Sonia and Rahul G.

That Mr.Singh managed to ride the crest for 7 years without any major controversy can only be attributed to the good fortune of the Sardar.  I somehow believe that this has nothing to do with `coalition politics', despite repeated bleating from Mr.Singh.  Even if it is a completely Congress government, under similar circumstances, Mr.Singh would have been left stuttering for words, lost for ideas to quell the diabolically corrupt actions of his own partymen.  Simply because he is not a hard-boiled politician.  They say you have to be a thief to catch another and it is very true that in order to master the art of controlling other politicians, you have to learn to think like the tribe every step.  Very few can make the transition from a good bureaucrat to decent politician and Mr.Singh probably did not have it in him to do that.

I am sure his intuition told him when the scams began to break out that he should quit; I wonder why he did not do it then and why he is still there now.  I am sure that he has not been replaced, simply because Sonia still does not have a better and safer candidate and Mr.Singh's personal image is still in tact in that he is not being accused of collusion in the corrupt deals.  She still has some use for Mr.Singh.  What is unclear is why is Mr.Singh still putting up with this farce and doling out pitiable excuses for all the mismanagement and lack of leadership instead of resigning at the first signs of trouble??  He knows he has not been able to control the reins of the government, as a PM should have.  This has turned out to be Mr.Singh's Achilles' heal and inexplicably so. So, why?  Is it due to a phenomenal change in character of the once respected bureaucrat that has made him rather power hungry, disregarding all the humiliation he is being subjected to?? Has he really become a full fledged, pachyderm of a politician all of a sudden?  Or is it because he has been pressured into staying on, with the Damocle's sword hanging over his head?  Has he been blackmailed, threatened with being personally dragged into the corruption scandals if he withdrew from the scene now?  If not this, what is compelling Mr.Singh to continue, when it is clear that a whole lot of unholy things have happened in his tenure recently? 

Or, have we all made a mistake about Mr.Singh being a man of personal integrity?  Has he always been a `politician', but managed to conceal that fact under a carefully cultivated facade, which no one saw, except probably the Gandhis??   Did we make the wrong judgement to begin with, about this individual??  I intuitively feel that is not the case and Mr.Singh has not changed much personally.  May be, I am wrong.  But, there is no clear answer as to why he has not resigned long back, which would have been true to the character of Mr.Singh of the 80s and 90s,  if this onslaught on his clean image could be seen like a tornado in the distance!!

Kautilya then and India now!!

When I bought the book, my friend quipped `why? do you require a harder pillow??'.  I ignored the sarcasm and smiled because the tome was indeed sizable.  But my wife was more appreciative; being a History major, she nodded condescendingly at me with a look which said `finally! you are trying your hand at history'.  She cannot be faulted either because I have never been prone to delving into the distant past.  But Kautilya and his Arthashastra have fascinated me no end, simply because I have heard that they have a timeless quality about them in terms of their relevance to any time, all governments/rulers and politics generally.  I was especially excited by the thought of anachronistic application of Kautilya's wisdom to `India-now, shining or otherwise',  to see how people, events and situations measure up against the sagely pronouncements made some 2300 years ago!!  During my sojourn through the book, every now and then a Kautilyan pearl flashed, bringing into focus a recent, distressing event or a particularly quixotic or corrupt political figure. 

"To the extent a society respected dharma, it protected itself; to the extent a society offended/disrespected dharma, it undermined itself."  That was the first truism, except that not many care for it today, that jumped out of the book.  You have to just observe what goes on around you, to nod  your head in agreement - yes, we are getting what we deserve and there is no gainsaying that it will get worse!!  Simply because society at large has forgotten that punishment follows crime; that people who act against dharma will reap a bad harvest eventually.  That in turn, is due to the unholy material success that the rampantly corrupt, the downright evil and the absolutely immoral seem to have achieved during a single life-time, without any apparent backlash from the government or God , thereby becoming role models for the avaricious!! 

`Dandaniti' or using force to maintain law and order is advocated by Kautilya as an integral part of governance.  At the same time, the tenet that `punishment has to be just' is never forgotten.  Notably, we have completely moved away from both, driven by a warped brand of democracy, political affiliations, corrupt governments and judiciary, etc.  Thieves and murderers are masquerading as lawmakers now; rapists can be ministers, no problem; politicians and bureaucrats gobble public money in a clear case of the fence eating the crops.  `A king who is lenient in punishing the guilty, is held in contempt' Kautilya says.  How true!! Just look at the visceral contempt generated by the governments, institutions and political leaders of the day!!  Even the prime minister of the day, who was held in esteem has come sliding down many notches in the recent times, thanks to the protective armour the scam-tainted leaders are moving around in.

Kautilya does not trust traders, believing that they are always ready to make money at the cost of consumers. 'Merchants are all thieves, in effect and shall be prevented from oppressing people', he says.  The business community can hold its head high that they have maintained this image through the centuries!!  The only change in modern times is that merchants exploit customers with impunity, without any compunction.  All the `modern' methods of tampering of the weighing scale, adulterating gold with lesser metals, etc, seem to have had their origins in Kautilya's time or even earlier - a plethora of references to such malpractices in the book!

Kautilya warns not to accept mere confessions without corroborative proof,  because such confessions could be out of fear of being tortured. That is indeed very prophetic, considering the fate of most confessions taken by police from people in their custody, but readily retracted subsequently in the counrt!!

`Wealth will slip away from that childish man who constantly watches the stars; what can the stars in the sky do to help retain wealth? (or for that matter, power?)' - a sad commentary on all those who go around desperately looking for the `right' stone for them; those who insert innumerable a's, e's and s's into their names to satisfy numerology; those politicians who seek to appease gods and goddesses by yagnas near their seats of power, instead of taking care of the needs of the people?

 `Unsubdued jungle tribes live in their own territory, are brave, fight in daylight and with their ability to seize and destroy communities, behave like kings'.   Kautilya was referring to Maoists?? Or the tribes in the north east, who want their own writ to run in specific areas??

That there were culprits who thought nothing of desecrating temples and holy places even those days, emerges from the rule that those were urinating or defecating in or near such places were fined heavily.  And, hold your breath, there was a heavier penalty for those who chose to practice sex with the images of goddesses.  Now, who said modern day India is forgetting its heritage?


Drinking halls were all owned by the king (yes, and the Tamil Nadu government just took a leaf out of Arthashastra when it appropriated the business of local liquor vends and for the same reason - mobilising resources for the government as well as ministers).  They were required to have seating areas and sleeping areas, perfumed and decorated with flowers, for the comfort of those getting sozzled!!  I can hear concerted sighs from avid drinkers.  But one rule was the same - drinks had to be consumed inside the hall and could not be taken out!!   Kautilya had decreed that `providing sexual entertainment to the public' was also a state monopoly and all such establishments were public sector enterprises.   Boy, such a PSU would become a Navaratna equivalent in the shortest possible time now.


There was a category of women who did not stir out of their houses – widows, handicapped women, unmarried women and the like.  Work was sent by the textile commissioner through his own maid servants to the homes of such women.  First signs of BPO and work-from-home initiatives!!


The use of women to delude and entrap enemies was extensive and permitted.  Now we know, why the Helens, the Bindus, the Jyothilaxmis were cast in that mould in so many movies.  Film directors only made things more interesting by throwing in melodious songs accompanied by riveting dances!!


 But women had their share of problems.  They were included in the list of properties owned by men, along with pledges and deposits.  So, Draupadi was not alone in being traded off!!  What was that, lightning?  No, just the collective impact of the induced glimmers in the eyes of hordes of desperate husbands, marvelling at the immense potential of that idea, I guess!!  Am sure the wives would want to reciprocate wholeheratedly!

If stolen or misappropriated property was not restored to the rightful owner within a reasonable time, full compensation was given from the king's resources and part of the compensation came from the officers who failed in their duties.   Do you see what the presumption was??  Was it that if a case cannot be solved quickly, then the authorities were seen to be in cahoots with the thieves and should therefore be penalised??  That would have ensured government officials do not get involved in such shenanigans, but then that was 23 centuries ago. Today the political mafia has turned that dictum on its head - they take all the money they can, out of public funds first, so that only a budget deficit is  available when it comes to improving the lives of commoners!


A major obsession of Kautilya's was `corruption among king's officials'.  As it should be.  He puts it nicely -`just as it is impossible to know when a fish swimming in water actually drinks a bit of that water, so it is impossible to know when a government official will misappropriate public funds'.  Again, modern day governments and officials can take immense pride in carrying on that legacy and taking it to phenomenal heights.  Kautilya lists about 40 different ways in which public officials can cheat the public and the king.  If he updated that list today, I am sure it would include Commonwealth and other Games, 2G to 100G Spectrum allocation, taking over government land to build valuable personal property etc.  And there is a list of 13 types of undesirables, who amass wealth by causing hardship to the public; this group includes corrupt judges, king's officials, village heads, adulterators and counterfeiters.  We can teach Kautilya a few things in this area because of our domain expertise.  Corrupt officials who looted public money were then to pay back every penny and be banished to god-forsaken-places, completely bereft of temptation and opportunity. So, when can we expect the Rajas, Kalmadis, some army generals, chief ministers, central ministers and many of their ilk to be sent to the Antarctic??  Problem is, they may collude to sell all the ice and cause the worst environmental disaster!


Kings in financial distress could resort to taking over temple lands to augment the resources of the treasury.  So, that is where the politicians derive their inspiration in this matter??  It is not `service to god' that attracts the tribe to come into the temple administration business, but the lure of the lucre, right??  Interestingly another recommended method of resource mobilisation for the king-in-distress is `begging from a powerful, foreign king'!  Wow, looks like the seeds of ADB, World Bank and foreign government borrowings were sown long, long back!!


Micro finance institutions and money lenders with usurious intent would not have faced too many problems during those times; the accepted rate of interest for low risk transactions was 15% p.a; moderately risky transactions attracted 60% p.a. and high risk transactions, hold your breath, 240% p.a.  I am sure, SKS and a few other harried companies would probably want to look for a time machine and a wormhole!!

The punishment prescribed for illegal mining and stealing of ore was a penalty of 8 times the value stolen.  Nice.  When can we expect some political majors who are miners in Andhra, Maharashtra and Karnataka to cough up?? And be banished too??

It is very heartening to note this rule - plaintiff should file a response to any statement or rebuttal submitted by the defendant on the same day, usually.  The system recognized the fairness of this since the plaintiff brought the suit of action against the defendant.  With each intervening decade (during the past 2300 years), some grace period was innocuously added to this provision and see what the result today is?  An unmanageable backlog of cases -majority of them frivolous or even downright false; and view that against the other rule that all cases were to be settled then in 45 days or so.  But then, why would our government want to provide such solace to the suffering public, when much more pressing are the interests of hungry lawyers and shameless politicos??

Read this gem - `After an official is appointed by the king, the former shall not ask for special favours from the public, shall not indulge in unseemly activities, shall not associate with disreputable  and wicked people'.  Imagine, if this rule were to be implemented strictly today, who would want to be a politician, except the genuinely honest ??  In actuality, what prevails is the absolute opposite of this requirement.

Another simple tenet - `the king shall scrupulously and thoroughly investigate all the qualities of an individual he is considering for appointment as a minister'.  Insert `Mr.Singh, the Prime Minister and Mr.Thomas, CVC, where appropriate and see the result!!


Whenever there was a danger from specific animals like rats, a rat-tax was levied.  Each family was expected to bring in a certain number of dead rats to prove they had worked for the common good.  Great rule, I think.  Since the perennial menace nowadays is the corrupt politician, what could a reasonably similar rule be for our society??

Kautilya says that the King, as the custodian of the people, should always avert all calamities, remove all obstructions to economic activity and  prevent loss to the state and people.  Where have we moved now??  To frequent state sponsored bandhs, riots, processions, rallies and other mindlessly violent political pursuits which deprive both the state and common man of revenue and income.

Well, there is much more in Arthashastra, but I can see that we will get nowhere with this, so let me stop.