Men's Empowerment

Recently a couple of friends, who usually strut around like well-endowed peacocks - macho ones at that - came to this scribe, terribly downcast and simpered about the need for someone to be bold enough to stand up for the forgotten cause of men's empowerment.   I was disbelieving and therefore unimpressed, especially in the context of all the high decibel focus on crimes against women, women's education, women's rights etc.  My dear wife simultaneously rolled her eyes, suppressed a smirk and shrugged her shoulders to subtly express her reaction.  But then subsequently when I was not under the glare of my wife's eyes, I chewed the cud on this.  I could clearly see with my mind's eye, a disturbing and moving montage of all those friendly souls who had undergone, to borrow the language of the meteorological department,  heavy to very heavy, widespread persecution most of their lives.   The usually somewhat dormant Solomon in me got a hefty kick on his backside and was forced to perceive the unfairness of the whole situation.

Any actual or perceived injustice to women creates a huge public outcry, as it should - don't get me wrong - and unfailingly merits an eight-member panel discussion on all self-respecting TV channels.  But could any reader recall even the barest passing mention of heinous offences committed on various sections of the male of the species, who have suffered all iniquities in silence, just because the creator inserted spongy spinal columns in their backs?  You see?  That is the blatant unfairness this is about. The fact that the cumulatively thickened crust of all such grievous crimes against dithering men has remained absolutely unscratched, largely due to the callous indifference of our society, seared this author's heart.  That was the genesis of this outpouring.  Lest people misunderstand and for the sake of propriety and absolute clarity it is reiterated that this scribe is neither a misogynist nor is against women's empowerment, but only advances this soulful plea that a shining torch be shown on the hitherto ignored domain of men's empowerment too!  While at one level women are victimised horribly and deserve all the souped up empowerment they can acquire, at another level, other domineering and brutal women are guilty of riding roughshod and leaving battered and bruised men in their wake.  The pity is no contemporary chronicler has mustered adequate courage to record this fact for posterity (except for Ja Ra Sundaresan, also known as Bhagyam Ramaswamy through the hilarious stories of Appusamy and Seetha Patti in Thamizh; those of you who do not follow Thamizh, please forgive this aside).  This scribe has manfully chosen to pick up the gauntlet to right that wrong, unmindful of the consequences.

Stories are legion of sons who have been so thoroughly manipulated by well-meaning, loving but insecure mothers through childhood and adolescence in subtle and overt ways. Obviously such specimens never arrive in life as adult men with any will of their own.  While the mother's inherent defence mechanism is soundlessly triggered early on to protect herself and her son from one specific as-yet-unseen eventual aggressor (you know who, right?), the son ends up being putty in one pair of hands to begin with. Once this is accomplished, only the hands change - somewhat like the relay race - but putty he remains for life invariably! To be given various suitably non-threatening to submissive shapes by other women subsequently.  Being putty in warm hands initially must be very comforting for the unsuspecting son - something akin to the cocoon for the larva - but it becomes an unshakeable habit for life, very unlike the cocoon from which the larva can break free when ready. And, there lies the tragedy.  Males in this constituency should be effectively weaned from such mothers at an appropriate time and empowered to think for themselves, even knowing fully well that this process is highly flawed on its own and may have very harmful consequences anyway.

Let us cut through the hordes of women - childhood mates, school friends, teachers, aunts one never knew existed, grandmothers, house maids and zillion others, who love the look of the putty so expertly moulded by the mother and attempt to give their own shape to it.  Let us take a leap and arrive at the next crucial stage in the life of such a man - when he is ready to take on a  partner for life (well, that last part is clearly an exaggeration in the modern context, which you should concede to any author in the name of prosaic licence!).

What happens here is this:  the most sensitive of the already-puttied men may just fleetingly feel the coming into play of a fresh pair of hands and continue their blissfully subservient existence, as if nothing has changed.  The oracle generously doling out to them instruction for each step in life will change and this can be initially disconcerting, but the demands on them remain so comfortingly similar. You see, such people are specifically identified by their partners as the chosen ones, precisely based on the appeal of this malleable trait in them. Women can astutely perceive and appreciate all the labour the mother has lovingly invested in a man over the years and exclaim ` Voila, here is the guy off the shelf, fully trained and packaged'.  Some women may not like certain rough edges in the package and may make minor modifications here and there - just as they would ask the store to do minor alterations in the dress they buy.  Having said that, they can all recognize classy base material, when they see one.  But those `unputtied' men, who escaped the ordeal with their mothers because of their liberated ways, are now put through the wringer by other women, who may neither have the patience and warmth of the mothers nor the same forgiving nature.  This is very painful for the poor men, not only because it is a change for the worse, but also because they probably expected a very smooth sailing with their partners; based on the women they saw for five years on and off, not knowing that what they saw was really but one shade of a whole spectrum!  This group of men deserve more sympathy because the avalanche hits them without notice and they need all the empowerment to cope with the difficult times ahead.

But, undoubtedly the man who deserves the heaviest dose of empowerment is the one who finds himself painfully compressed in a cleft stick - sandwiched between the loving mother and the doting partner! I see many heads nodding animatedly in agreement and they are all male, obviously.  Having a single dedicated oracle running one's life is difficult enough but having to follow two forceful ones, invariably deliberately contradictory in tone and content, is humongously stressful.  Such a man is damned if he does anything and is more damned if he does not.  Given the fact that the the two rough sides of the cleft stick are only interested in compressing him between them and have no intention of reconciliation, he has no exit route. But then, empowerment alone is not going to help him because what can he do with that?  What he requires is exceptional cunning and wisdom to broker peace between the perennially warring parties.  One thing he can try to do is to get the mother and the partner to arraign themselves on the same side against himself - then he has only one adverse unit to deal with.  He may perpetually be the butt of all jokes at home, but at least life won't be as painful??

Usually this disclaimer appears upfront, but I forgot about this earlier, not knowing how this was going to pan out.  Whatever is written here is not based on personal experience.  The author's mother and wife are absolutely smashing individuals who have never caused the author to pause and think he needs any empowerment.  As such, the request to all those who are itching to comment on this piece is to ensure that the comments are moderated; not to stymie things for the author and vitiate the peaceful atmosphere that has prevailed at the author's home for decades.  And be notified that all such comments will be subject to careful scrutiny by people, who are obviously beyond the control of the author and will remain unnamed!!