The Scourge Is Here

Disclaimer:  The intent of this blog post is not to scoff at Covid or belittle the collective efforts of the country to fight it.  In such seriously depressing times, if a few people can smile through all the weariness, the objective would be achieved.
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Ours is a country where a cacophonous and high-decibel argumentativeness, often acrimonious,  characterizes everything from parliamentary debates through TV news to street-side bargains and household discussions.  Amartya Sen has done a stupendous job of portraying this part of the Indian psyche in his book.  Even democracy is equated unabashedly with the ability to bludgeon opponents with larynx power in public spaces. And we Indians are experts at looking for ways to cut corners, dodge regulations, identify or innovatively create (Jugaad?) rat-holes to hide away from authority, while scooting from responsibility and accountability.  I know that is too much of a generalisation, forgive me. Most of all these are predictably blatant, self-serving efforts, with a few exceptions here and there.  So, nothing one comes across in the media about people's responses and reactions to Covid itself and to the government's efforts to fight the virus, however bizarre and asinine, should surprise anyone.  We Indians are like that only and will never shy away from switching on our headlights and drive against the traffic on highways because such absurd behaviour is ingrained in us and is our birthright.  Even if it results in a chaotic mess and public disaster time and again.

So, an average Indian should not lose his equanimity even when members of the state assemblies and government ministers mindlessly choose to attend soirees and bashes, hosted by dim-witted celebrities who have recently returned from a wild `phoren' sojourn in Italy and France.  Completely ignoring the country's Prime Minister and government screaming from roof-tops that people should practise social distancing, cease community activities and stay indoors as much as possible.  Or when self appointed, godliness-infused spiritual agents, surely based on direct diktats from God Himself, organize massive congregations in public spaces to sing and pray for reprieve from Covid.  Or when thousands of purblind herds of followers ignore all common sense and attend such gatherings.  Or when the Chief Minister of a state government vigorously bans in the morning through a government mandate, all gatherings of ten or more people and directly proceeds to preside over a pompous wedding with a thousand people attending, in the evening.  For us, this is par for the course and all we feel is deja vu!!

Comic relief in this distress comes from multiple directions.  One old classmate of mine from a village near Thirunelveli in Thamizh Nadu called a few times to ascertain what Bangalore was doing in terms of taking precautions.  Being highly pro-active with marked political leanings, he wanted to implement similar measures in those communities.  But given the agrarian nature of the population, working from home was not a concept suitable to their setting.  Nor was the idea of self quarantine/isolation of people returning from foreign trips appealing .  Finally he agreed to stay with simple measures like looking out for people falling sick, social distancing, avoiding community galas etc.  He ended the final conversation with a weak joke that his concern was that they were probably the closest in the country to the Chinese submarines and warships -- possibly infected? - in the Indian ocean.

I was fondly hoping that some authentic looking American scientist (we don't trust the local ones, do we?) would advocate the theory that smartphones and their damning accomplices like WhatsApp, Instagram etc can be certain carriers of the virus, if people are engaged with them long enough.  For a brief interregnum, the government came up with a reasonable but partial alternative deterrent in the form of the one-minute advisory, beginning with a cough, whenever one made a call on the phone.  Having to compulsorily listen to that, many people deferred their calls and if the first call went unanswered, refused to redial.  And the smarter counterparts did not call back either, having got allergic to the same advisory.  My dear wife neither got calls nor made many and said she was put off by the idea of hearing the advisory in the same unappetising voice, as if she would have been happier if Arijit Singh and Shreya Ghosal had recorded the same as a song!  I am sure this month's phone bill will be considerably less for many households.

And today, I heard one Dr Thomas Cowan, who convincingly links the last few major virus outbreaks to increasing electrical signals on the earth and above.  His theory (may be someone else's, which he is propagating) is that the Spanish flu in 1917 was the result of the introduction of the first wave of radio signals, which invade our bodies and result in cells decaying and getting discharged as a contagion.  Thus, at the end of the world war, there was a massive surge in the number of radars etc which brought about the next outbreak and so on.  The final nail on the coffin is, if this is indeed true, that the current Chinese virus (let me make Trump happy) is the result of the humongous increase in electrical signals from, guess what, G5.  I was floored when he finishes by asking if we can surmise where the biggest G5 drive is concentrated.  Yes, Wuhan, in China.  Creepy, isn't it?

A week back, all of a sudden, there was a great proliferation of masked faces in our community and one could not even say hello with certainty because recognition was rendered difficult. They all looked similarly simian with the protruding mask.  Unless you got within two inches of the individual and did a nose-rub Maori style, there was no way of fixing the identity -- and that would have been violative of social distancing norms.  If they hailed first, voice identification was also sub optimal because the mask significantly corrupted the voice.  So, for a few days now, I am enthusiastically waving in the general direction of everyone, a la the Pope, and keep going.  But we should be grateful that the masks are not all in a single colour.  They come in various bright colours, otherwise would have been very boring.  God bless the mask makers.

Amidst all the hullabaloo, there was a very serious discussion in some group about the need, not even desirability, of keeping golf courses open -- the logic was that golfers can go to courses just to practise social distancing and the exercise is a bonus.  There was collective angst and frustration because courses were closed and people could not take out their anger on the poor golf balls, which never once reacted in a negative way but ended up some 45 degrees away from the intended spot, thereby showing their displeasure.

Some other hilarious take-aways from this situation, according to aggrieved anti-virus campaigners -- are that everything imported from China for the next few years, including metro rail coaches should be boiled in hot water for appropriate period of time before being commissioned; the other alternative is not to import anything from China, thereby imposing a cost on the country for exporting the virus (Trump will eventually say this and gladden a lot of hearts, I think);  many of the usually entertaining politicians like Rahul Gandhi, Mamta Banerjee have been very restrained and almost silent in the face of the virus and that is probably the only positive emerging from the situation; all domestic pets seem to be terribly upset that everyone is staying home all the time and are probably planning to take people out for walks once in a while, leashed or otherwise; the expression of anger/disappointment at IPL being postponed, as if that is almost the end of the world, even if not caused by the virus.

I am only hoping that the tribe of TV anchors and all those bawling, truculent people who occupy those boxes on the screen are treated as extremely dangerous in this current context and kept in isolation for 5 years, to protect the masses and also the virus (so that some sample survives for research purposes)!!