Hobby, Dear Seniors??

Seven years back, after I had relinquished all my part time consulting assignments and became truly unemployed and retired, a friend visited me to check on how I was faring.  He figured that having been active for so long, without the crutch of some professional work I would be entirely out of depth in the new situation or at least suffering from severe sense of alienation.  I told him I was doing fine and did not have so much spare time to be afflicted by withdrawal symptoms or to worry about depression.  He looked at me disbelievingly as if I was sprouting a few horns on my chin even as he was looking.  I could understand why, because he went through a terrible phase after his own retirement, trying to cope with all the time he had on hand and a relentlessly nagging spouse.  He did not realise earlier that what he had to eventualy confront post-retirement, was that deadly cocktail; did not prepare for it and failed miserably to cope, culminating in intense depression for the first year, which got marginally better when he devised the solution of staying at home minimally until evening. Sad way to end up.  The fundamental problem was that he was one of those workaholics, who did nothing but work in the office, work at home and work elsewhere; went into a tizzy when he had no office work to do.  Could not speak a few sentences cogently about anything other than work, while he could wax eloquent on work related stuff.  He did not foresee the need to develop some hobby/hobbies to bail him out when he would have no work to immerse in.  He was nice enough to check on me when I retired and he was astonished to see that I was sane and happy.  The major difference was that I had adequate cover in terms of multiple hobbies to take refuge in. 

But then I have seen many friends attempting bravely to start developing hobbies after retirement.  While this is commendable and necessary, at the ripe old age of sixty or so, boarding that ship is not easy. I am not saying it is impossible because many enterprising retirees have flourished in new hobbies, to live happily and guide others too.  But, having to learn something completely different from life-time of work is, well, like Javed Jaffrey so masterfully said decades back, Maggi Sweet And Sour Sauce --  Different!! And quite a few could not handle the pitfalls and the effort involved.  Given that,  it is also very important to be judicious about the choice of the hobby one goes for, late in life.

One friend's choice was away from the beaten path - cooking.  His wife had fed him most of his life with excellent fare since she was a great cook.  He had inadvertently, despite himself, imbibed some of the skills during emergency situations which arose and handled things pretty well, to the satisfaction of the boss-at-home.  So, after retirement,  he asked his wife to give him some space in the kitchen to experiment with his own culinary skills and she gladly moved aside.  He was himself surprised by the good quality of the stuff he was turning out and the wife did her bit tohelp him and augment the taste as well as presentation.  What started as a hobby soon became a commercial propostion. He began supplying food to the neighbourhood and in no time at all, established himself and the wife as good chefs, delivering excellent quality.  They are reasonably busy with the venture and make good profits too with their hobby, nay, new profession.

But the above is not the norm and not everybody is so fortunate.  A couple of other friends who wandered into the cooking arena  for passing time, got scalded literally and metophorically.  Their scars showed for a long time to come.  For, even a hobby requires certain amount of commitment and skills.  Cooking is not for everyone, contrary to eating (which anyone can do well, generally), even though they are allied spheres.  If one is the kind who cannot distinguish between sauteeing, shallow frying and deep frying or tell the difference between toor dal and chana dal, one is destined to be a non-starter in the cooking arena, even for a hobby.  Some intense, belaboured trials by aspiring friends have tragically ended up with heart-breaking results, as in the case of top class brick-quality idlis which could have been used as deadly ammunition in a war; or a benumbingly salty and ferociously spicy curry unintentionally produced due to a sad mix-up in measurement of spices.   Of course, one can learn and climb up the ladder but most people don't even get a footing on the second step.  Funnily, it looks one basic qualification for a person to be a decent cook is that he should invariably enjoy what he eats. This comes from some veteran ladies, who have cooked for decades and enthralled multitudes with what they turn out impeccably. Despite this, a lot of us good eaters will never be decent cooks, I believe.  The classic difference between consumers and producers.

Gardening is another favourite of retirees.  Some have done wonderfully well in turning mud patches at home into green oases but not everyone is so lucky.  One chap, over a period of 8 months, emptied half of his neighbourhood nurseries into his backyard and sizable bank balance into the nurserys' accounts in his fruitless attempts to grow something, anything, green.  For some reason, anything he planted remained green precisely for 17-22 days and never beyond that.  Most of them failed to co-operate and committed suicide very early.  Plants, leaves, etc shrivelled relentlessly and breathed their last right under his nose. The half baked gardener of his encouraged him to buy more new plants as the solution to his ills (as is normal, he probably had a cut in the nursery's invoice value) without changing anything else in the process and our hobby-seeker was too desperate to be questioning.  Someone told this chap he had a red thumb as against a green one and the suffering intern did not take that kindly.  The explanation for the disastrous results was always that he had been too generous with water for the plants or there was not enough sunlight or the plants needed more or less fertilizer than was supplied.  A precise and pointed reason was never given and the man's hobby died with the last set of plants when his fuming wife ran the riot act to him to cease and desist.

Photography could have been an attractive option ten years or so back but now every three year old kid shoots good photos with the mobile. Unless the effort is to become a professional photographer, there is little sense in moving away from a good mobile phone for photos.  At least one is saved the agony of watching some unidentifiable lump turn up on the screen of the camera and one cannot explain what it could be.  The serious cameras require a lot of understanding, tuning and syncronization before a good picture can be shot and the learning process can be quite arduous. When the mobile phone is looming as a ready alternative, very few go the other way and so, photography may not be a popular hobby any longer,  Except when one is a mindless shooter of snaps on mobile phones for laods of sharing with the sole intent to persecute them daily.  

Some people have gone into music. Either vocal or some instrument. `When I was young, I always wanted to be a musician' is their standard but eager tagline.  Again, this is like cooking.  One has to have some basic gift in terms of the sense of music as well as a good voice to be a reasonably good singer. For some inexplicable reason, what the whole world realises instantly on listening to their first attempt, our musician is just unable to see or hear -- that music is not his or her cuppa.  Armed with videos of their attempts at amateur singing and the sharing apps, he/see enthusiastically sends the productions to friends and relatives, who suffer silently for fear of hurting the poor fellow with honest feedback.  While some graduate to a higher level eventually, most of them stubbornly remain rooted to where they have been for years, but not giving up.  God bless their perseverance and efforts.

All the above goes back to what I was saying earlier - that hobbies probably should be developed much early in life, when one has the time, energy and ability to overcome issues.  Later in life, simple things become a struggle.  

My dear wife is chipping in with her wisdom.  According to her, the one thing that retirees can and should learn even late is to deal with small kids.  Eventually this comes in handy when you are expected to baby-sit or otherwise deal with grandchildren.  This may not be an enjoyable pastime for many but is practically useful as many would vouch and helps in developing harmony at home, pleasing the progeny and scoring brownie points overall.  As usual, I am with her on this, one hundred percent!

  

  

Murphy's Law Is For Us All !

Murphy's Law (ML) - `Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong' is not some esoteric thunderclap that periodically affects only big-time, multi-million dollar projects, sparing ordinary mortals.  Whether those projects have a few hurdles erected by ML or not, each individual would have experienced some ML pitfalls in his life surely.  We have grown used to being confronted by ML so much that we placidly accept its inflictions on us without even a second thought or paying too much attention to the what or why.  Here are a few of my own anecdotal experiences with ML and I am sure most of you can identify with the situations easily.

My first known tryst with ML was even before I knew that some such thing existed.  My middle school days.  My brother had a bout of pneumonia/dyphtheria and was just in the process of recovering.  At such times, we know the victim is banished into a `virtual' dark room where he did not hear or see anything good, especially relating to food, lest he be tempted to partake of accompanying goodies.  So was my brother. I was sternly and categorically instructed by both parents (and a few uncles, aunts, grandparents et al who were part of the scene) that he was not to be allowed so much as a sniff at anything half decent to eat or drink, especially if brought from outside. This coaching was imparted to me repeatedly because I was suspected to be the only possible potential violator of the edict.  You will see, this was not without solid reasons.  Out of boundless brotherly love, I had already smuggled a few assorted prohibited items like pieces of onion pakoda, vegetable puff, salt biscuits, jamun fruit etc (everything sourced from outside of home) into a mutually agreed foxhole, from which my dear brother retrieved them gleefully when he was not under surveillance. I took the risk because there was a very clear agreement about the expected quid pro quo in future, should the shoe unfortunately end up on the other foot.  My father was very punctilious with his own and our lives and followed some hard-coded habits - like leaving for work at 9 am.  My brother and I left for our school at 9.30 am and we never met our father on the way to school, even though all of us took the same path for the first 300 metres.  One day during his convalescence and not attending school, dear brother developed this urge to have this `javvu mittai' (the vendor can shape the raw material of sugar and a stretchable dough into some shapes) or he graciously offered me an option, the stick ice cream. I was very aware of the fact that either of those obnoxious things could have actually caused his illness in the first place and refused to oblige at first.  But the pathetic look on his face melted me and with a sense of adventure, I took him out with me for a walk, for some fresh air.  Time 9.30.  The stick ice cream was available on the way to school and we were both watching our home, not far off, to check on any snooping relative.  The coast was clear and we were quickly devouring the delicacy when I felt a rather firm hand on my shoulder.  I had a sickly feeling immediately in my gut and turned to look at our father, his face flushed with anger, glowering at both of us.  Even in that delicate moment, my brother was happily licking the last of the ice cream, without realising the parental presence and this enraged the father more.  Soon we were hauled back home, I got a severe thrashing while my brother got an earful (he was recuperating, so no beating for him and also being the elder I was supposed to be the beacon of light guiding him!).  Our father was never in that spot at that time in the previous decade or more and never again in the future, but he made his only guest appearance on that fateful day to catch us in our act.  That was the first application of ML in my life!

Context:  Cricket Test, India vs England in Madras.  After a lot of begging and cajoling, my father had arranged for tickets for himself, my brother and myself.  Train tickets booked.  Two days before departure, my brother unwittingly invited chicken-pox to hobnob with him.  His ticket was instantly cancelled.  My father and I left by train, after everyone at home subjected me to close checks under microscope to see if any symptom of chickenpox lurked on my physique too.  After three hours of journey, a man who was sitting next to my father and opposite to me, was whispering something into my father's ears softly.  Then I was scrutinized by 3-4 elders collectively and it was declared that I too had chicken-pox and expert opinion was I should not travel further. So, we got off the train to look for return passage, when my father's cousin came beaming to us, happy to have met.  He was going to my town. So I got transferred and got back home without getting anywhere near a cricket test.  After 7-8 years, ML played another nasty one on me when I tried my luck again when Australia played India in Chepauk.  This time, two days before departure, some typhoid like pestilence took an immense liking to me and thwarted that trip. I had to wait another 3 years before making my debut at a cricket test venue. ML, indeed.

All of us have had trying times waiting at bus stops.  Did you ever notice that if you are waiting for, say bus 27D going towards Mount Road, even as you waited for 45 minutes not one would come your way, 27D to Santhome came to the opposite bus stop about 5 times in those 45 minutes?  And this would happen on a day when you are supposed to be present somewhere about an hour ago.  So, what do you do? You jump into an autorickshaw, literally feeling the hole being burnt into your pocket.  Two minutes into the ride, you turn back and see two 27Ds chasing you.  You curse your luck (that was what you thought it was, without knowledge of  ML) but worst was to come.  One 27D turns a corner breezily and knocks your auto.  Minor collision but major fracas - bus ceases to move, auto had been nudged to take a position in the middle of the road, blocking all traffic. Verbal abuse follows and then some fisticuffs. Great, free entertainment for the willing public, but you are stranded for longer.  Story ends with you still being far away from your intended destination, wringing your hands and waiting for 27D all over again.  No better example of ML.

I am sure each of you have had delayed flights in your travel life.  Once my dear wife and I were at the airport 3 hours ahead of schedule for a flight from Hong Kong to Tokyo.  Everything was hunky-dory till about 45 minutes to departure.  Then came the blaring ML-induced announcement that our flight was delayed.  I looked at the Departures board and out of some 60 flights shown there, only one was delayed.  Ours.  When finally we took off after 5 hours, we heaved a collective sigh of relief - prematurely it turned out.  Just about an hour from Tokyo we were told a storm was brewing and we could not land.  So, fly all the way back to Hong Kong we did, as if we were taking a non-geosyncronous circular orbital flight.  Not without some more drama too.  With one hour to go for landing in Hong Kong, we heard that the same weather system was creating havoc in Hong Kong too.  With just about enough fuel to land and no mid-air-refuelling possibility and a very turbulent weather to contend with,  our pilot was wondering whether he should divert to some other airport when he was ordered to head to a god-forsaken Chinese city in the interior, which had a shack for a terminal and nothing else.  We had to spend a miserable half-day there - no food, no water, no toilet facility, nobody to tell you where you were -  before we were mercifully flown back to Hong Kong and home, which were very, very wet with a deluge, caused by a typhoon. One helluva trip (can we call it that, since nothing was accomplished and we did not go to the intended place at all?), indeed.  My dear wife talks very fondly of this trip because with that she deems to have visited China.

One of my friends, who is a movie buff, wanted to see Come September very badly, bunking college classes. I very wisely refused to be party to such a scheme.  He went with a few others.  Those days we could not afford anything other than the lowest class, within touching distance of the screen.  So, there he was enjoying the movie from close quarters.  During the interval, his uncle who was visiting from another town and was in the privileged balcony class, spotted him (and unfortunately my friend did not notice him).  In the night, when the congregation was stuffing its mouth, the uncle blandly asked my friend `so how was the movie'?  Shrinking like a chicken on which some ice-cold water was thrown, my friend tried to blabber his way out but his uncle had the ammunition ready to nail him - the names of all the other friends with whom he graced the movie.  My dear friend did not know where to look and had to confess to his parents he bunked college and went for a movie - not the outcome he desired.  All the time cursing that malevolent uncle who was not supposed to be there.

So far in life, ML has played truant with me many times, but without any disastrous consequences, thankfully.  My dear wife says hopefully future ML inflictions will be as mild as we have had so far. 

Thank God and Thathastu!!  

  

  

This Mobile Phone Is A Pain In The .....

Recently some worthy-- his wife had presumably left him for good and he had joyfully married his cell phone instead without any fanfare -- was singing paens celebrating this versatile instrument of dubiously mixed value. He rightly pointed out that it has replaced multiple gadgets/props we use in our daily lives, ranging from alarm clock thru radio, tv, calendar, calculator, torch, banking assistant, payment gateway, dictionary, newspaper to its ultimate avator of information provider -- well one can go on ad infinitum.  And he is right. What is more, I for one would not be surprised if the ubiquitous cell phone is also enabled to cool your drink, cook your meal and flush your toilet in the years to come.  But not everyone thinks it has all been a joy ride without frequent bouts of pain.  Literally.  For instance, when you forget you are joined in the hip with this twin brother of yours, the phone in your hip pocket, and plonk down heavily collapsing into a seat, ouch, it hurts the bone there.  But that is not all.  A bum call goes out to someone you have been avoiding for years or worse, an awkward message is shot out to a friends' group instantly.  Every member of the group would gleefully remember and recall this gem invariably in a group so that this embarassing information ripples out uncontrollably, ensuring that you remain the butt of jokes for a long time to come. 

Some phones come with a plethora of proprietary apps and these make life miserable for you at unexpected moments.  Having no interest in such apps, you ignore them completely. All of a sudden, when you are in the middle of a business exchange, there appears on the screen a totally unwanted casino game and throws you off.  Try as you may, this leech of a game refuses to go away and exasperated, you perform that one panacea-act for all ills in a mobile phone, `reboot'. And lose whatever data or content you had been working on.  With a painful explanation to follow to the counterpart who has been waiting for you to get back on line.  Or some strange You Tube like app suddenly blares out an absolutely cringeworthy hiphop song featuring zombies of various denominations, which you cannot get rid of despite valiant effort. Again `reboot' is the only action you can resort to.

A month back, I was aghast when my dear wife asked me to clean up her phone.  Being a hoarder par excellence, she keeps everything received and sent in the phone for years, as if all content is sacred and precious.  Then it takes a month for me to bring it to some semblance of current state when I am tasked with cleaning up.  This time, I found that she had apps for all kinds of things - one for ordering Avakkai pickle, one for paruppu podi, one for appalam, three for different fruit vendors (each one gives good banana, apple and oranges respectively, so three is the minimum required), some sixty seven undeleted groups which are no longer active and many members had already escaped from this world. This multiplicity of groups also meant some thousand messages were retained and approximately 75% just had a thumbs up or some other emoji.  Earlier you could ignore these easily but recently, one messaging system has thought it wise and appropriate to draw your attention the emoticon with the message `Reacted to your message' as if that is a historic accomplishment!  I carefully avoided shaking my head in frustration because her phone is so, so, sensitive that my simple nod might have resulted in unpalatable, mysterious gyrations which would eventually bring my intelligence into question when my dear wife reviews the phone after clean-up.  

They make these phones ultra-sensitive nowadays to score some brownie points and deliberately programme some wrist or finger-tip movements to initiate specific actions, to satisfy some weird market segment. When one is warming up to some spirited argument and becomes all palms and fists, gesticulating feverishly to make one's point, all of a sudden the cell phone reacts, goes berserk and does something as if possessed, which you cannot decipher for the next few hours.  If the all-purpose reboot option works fine, otherwise you have to visit a phone clinic, where a tehnician breezily pushes a few buttons and resurrects the phone.  You end up looking very stupid and clueless.  All because two shakes are programmed to mean the phone does one thing and one and a half clockwise jerks mean something else.  You have to go through the phone manual in the smallest possible font before you figure out the various involuntary/deliberate actions and complicated results thereof.  Older people would fine typing difficult because contrary to what they intend, the phone uses the senstitivty index to type out its own message, add the lottery aspect of auto-correct to complete the task.  Most of the time, people do not check, assuming that what is going out is what they intended.  Those people who have the habit of touching the screen all over instead of specific buttons, find that they have to do multiple iterations of the same exercise before they give up in frustration or succumb to the phone's dictat and send out whatever is there, hoping that the recipient would call to clarify.  The problem is compounded if it goes out to the wrong recipient.

One of the most inconvenient things with the cell phones is you cannot evade any active seeker saying `I did not receive any call', or `I did not see any missed call' or any such inane lie because there is evidence in your phone that a call was indeed received and some people are not beyond checking your phone surreptitiously! They take the liberty to examine your phone and then you are discovered for what you are!  Or worse still, all those not-so-charming faces which you have been happy avoiding for some time and have blissfully forgotten in the process, pop up suddenly in unannounced video calls to bring back all the nightmares of yore.

So, my take is the cell phone is not an unmixed blessing.  It is great in many respects but there is significant downside too, like the hurt hip bone.  Considering that, I would rather call this instrument an `anukoola chatru'!  And to think that, some people carry two phones, each with two sim cards!!  God cannot help them because they have gone beyond the pale!!

 

Opposites Attract! Do they?

How often have you admired Saurav Ganguly's cover drive?  And thought that he executes that more exquisitely than Dravid and Tendulkar?  I know I am not the only one to think that.  Even though, technically there may not be any difference in the way the three greats played that shot and all of them were flawless with that.  So, then why that feeling that Saurav did it better??  The simple truth is it is only because his was a left hander's cover drive and the other two were right handers.  Am not being frivolous about it.  We are so used to seeing right handed batsmen wading into their shots, once a good leftie steps in, we think he is much more delightful to watch, his shots are more fluid and he does it, well, better.  It is just a case of the opposite attracting you.  When the field is full of right handers, an occasional leftie seems more attractive.  Plain and simple.

That was a good example of why opposites attract.  When someone marches into the scene and seems very different, even odd, compared to the bunch one has always known or moved with, an immediate superficial interest is ignited, without too much personal effort from the new comer.  Only because, like Maggi sweet and sour sauce, s/he is different.  Curiosity is piqued by the `strangeness' factor and where it proceeds from curiosity depends entirely on the individuals involved.

Let us look at the physical aspects of such attraction.  A tall person does not necessarily go looking for a short one to be the partner I think.  A six-foot-two-inch man marrying (or dating) a five-foot-nothing woman is nothing outrageous or rare.  You see such combinations frequently.  Even if the woman has to whisper something to her partner, she will have to climb a few steps up the man to accomplish that feat.  Similarly if the man wants to plant a peck on the cheek of his woman, he has to show considerable humility through a significant bend.  The man can probably cover two and a half steps of the woman with his single stride and this inequality is not without its own problem.  Left to their natural strides, the man might leave his lady way behind when he reaches the destination much faster and the lady is not going to be amused by that.  Unless of course, one of them changes the normal stride - either the lady accelerates herself huffing and puffing; or the man drops his speed to a first gear waddle to be in line with his lady.  Of course, the physical aspect alone would not have forged the connection initially in such cases, there would have been other personality traits which come into play.  But, the fact remains that neither the man or the lady was wondering how s/he would cope with the above and other similar myriad issues that might crop up in their life together.  Or, may be they did and thought nothing of these things because of instant attraction!

One of the primary reasons why Laurel and Hardy always scored in their hilarious shows is the physical size of the two in relation to each other.  One instance of how the bulky and the reedy work well in a partnership.  But is that workable in a marital scene?  Not sure.  There could be many reasons why such a marraige could come about, without either of them fancying the other one initially.   Also, some people tend to `blossom' liberally in life and bloat whereas the other one can shrink despite being a glutton.  What could have begun as a normal match-making decision could have gone out of shape literally due to extraneous reasons, like harmonal problems.  So, most of such combinations would probably be due to people accepting the cards they have been dealt with rather than actively selecting `attractive' opposites.

How about a voluble, incessant talker of a wife and a silent, monk-like husband?  We have come across many such.  This works well probably because one is a talker and another is a listener (may be he does not pay attention at all, but is a pretender non-pareil).  The garrulous and boisterous woman goes about filling the ears of all those present on every social occasion, whereas the reticent man, whose mouth may have to be forced open violently even for a morsel of food, seldom utters a syllable to anybody.  While it is possible that the woman chose her partner calculatedly, paying attention to his being her opposite in this aspect, one cannot imagine a man willingly walking into a deadly trap like that.  But there are men who like to be bossed over (one cannot imagine why, but there are) and it is highly likely that this man unconditionally surrendered to the booming lady in their first meeting!  Opposites attracting each other??  Possible, but the marvel is that the relationship endures in many cases (typically the husband does not dare act even if he hates his plight) with the parties staying true to their characteristics.  The guess is that the man gets so completely subjugated after some time he probably does not even care and develops complete indifference.

An-angry-man-and-a-submissive-woman template is something very common.  Temperamentally the two people cannot be more antithetical and are yet together.  Probably because their parents cynically decided they are good for each other for some strange reason.  But there is no doubt that the lady who suffers through torrents of angry outbursts day in and day out would not have fallen for the `opposite' trait in the man.  How can anybody??  Unless there is a strong streak of masochism in the lady and she liked being ridden roughshod all her life.  This serves to tell us that all such `opposites' together are not attracted to each other, but many are compelled into partnerships and decide to just painfully tolerate the show.  Truer of the previous generations than to-day's youngsters, who work with very different yard-sticks when they decide to marry.

If both partners are very alike in their appraoch to life, likes and dislikes how would existence be?  Could be seen either as very peaceful or boring, depending on who you talk to.  This combination is a rarity, I think.  It could be the external manifestation or masking of the angry-and-the-submissive relationship, wherein one always is acquiecing so that friction is avoided at all costs and a display of false harmony is what others see. 

So, in balance, I am not sure this theory of opposites attracting will hold good everywhere.  My dear wife strongly agrees and believes that in every marriage one person tends to be a bit stronger such that firm decisions are taken as they should be without too much blood-spill and use of bulldozers.  I refuse to say who takes the firm decisions in our home!!   

   

Conscientious Ruling Class

A friend of mine has been diligently sending to me one Kural daily, with succinct meaning included. Recently, one Kural got stuck in my mind for a few days and I just did not know why I was unable to get past that one.  Then it dawned on me that this particular couplet was directly showing the torch on the behaviour of the contemporary politicians in our country.  Who would have thought?  That classic crown jewel of Thamizh literature, Thiruvalluvar's couplets, 'Thirukkural' being the guiding light for the current crop of political leaders in the country, in conducting their affairs?  Yet, that seems to be so, going by how diligently Thiruvalluvar's edicts for rulers are being adhered to today.  I know it is beyond belief and the interpretation of the ruling class today could be warped by their own crooked objectives, but they seem to try to abide by the teachings of Kural in their own weird way.  Let us see how.

Kural 382 is one of the best examples.  Thiruvalluvar lays down four fundamental tenets for rulers to follow for success in their endeavours - - fearlessness, giving/sharing generously, wisdom to prevent harm and relentless energy while facing problems.  We know what Thiruvalluvar had in mind when he laid down the four guiding principles, but our politicians definitely know differently and have brazenly taken the contents out of context to completely twist the lines to their advantage.  

Absolute fearlessness - once one is part of a leading political party, especially one of those which is likely to be ruling in some part, the politician does not need to fear anything.  He contemptuously swats aside all those institutions one normally respects and fears - like justice, law and order, right and wrong etc and proceeds to loot public wealth with single minded dedication and commitment.  He does not fear the courts or police because he knows they are all on the take, powerless against bull-headed political leaders and that he can buy his way out of any and all troubles that are likely hurdles in his way of amassing wealth for himself.  By personal leadership, he also instills this fearlessness (and also lawlessness) in his minions and cronies as well as political and personal heirs.  

Giving generously - taking off from the previous trait, this comes as a necessary corollary for successful politicians.  All the loot they collect is shared with the contractors they select for all works;  with the party seniors who can otherwise cause immense harm, if deprived of their rightful share of the booty; with all those ever-willing and sycophantic relatives and friends who become recipients of corrupt money as benami holders.  The last tribe may not get to usurp all the wealth so ill-gotten, but will enjoy a decent share to ensure that they live well and perpetuate the terribly obnoxious practice.  Helping in this devious enterprise are professionals like tax practitioners, lawyers, government officials, whose palms are all eagerly awaiting grease all the time.

Wisdom to prevent harm - This is where the ruling class excels in ingenuity and combine that with their ability to make undeserving people unduly rich. While Thiruvalluvar meant preventing harm to the general population through righteous rules, current crop of leaders gleefully focus on a few segments of the same population which are helpful to them in conducting their evil business fearlessly.  They nurture hooligans and vicious gangs of all stripes in order to mercilessly pummel protesting people into submission, without compunction.  In that sense they do protect the offending people from harm of all kinds including threats from opponents as well as action from law enforcing agencies.  They are very clairvoyant in preventing harm to themselves by resorting to dubious and even outrageous techniques to escape jail and punishment.  There seems to be enormous wisdom available to cook up new designs to violate all rules with impunity and still be free from punishment/action.  Even before the affected party goes to court, the offending guys have got anticipatory bail for all kind of offences including capital crimes.

Relentless energy in dealing with problems - Politicians have a separate corporate set up for this essential feature in their industry, as we know, as mentioned earlier.  Problems there will be since most of their entrprise is entwined in illegal and nefarious activities.  But then they also have a regular, well-trained supply of ingenious professionals like lawyers, tax consultants, corrupt judges, public relations team,  press people et al whose only responsibility is to subvert the system and keep the leaders out of trouble all of hues.  They are ever ready to deny all accusations even before they are made and are ten steps ahead, like seasoned chess players are, of their opponents at all times.  And once a well manufactured solution is cast for a specific problem, like a well oiled machine their system replicates it  ad infinitum.  Because it has all the same crooked web to work with.

Avaricious and warped men's interpretation of Thirukkural and their implementation of its edicts may be entirely different from the original intent, but our intrepid politicians will shamelssly cry from roof-tops that they follow the Kural diligently, if given a chance and a platform.  Only God can tackle them!! If He wanted, he could have made short work of all these specimens in no time, so we have to conclude He does not want to touch them with even a barge-pole.

   

 

Freebies For Parties To Consider

The Supreme Court in India is suddenly waking up and sounding the bugle against this reckless habit of political parties prior to elections - of declaring how they would enrich voters with freebies of various types and denominations, if they are voted to power.  Reckless simply because basic financial wisdom dictates that such munificence at the expense of the exchequer should be curbed and wound back.  Political parties are bristling at this brazen intervention of judiciary in legislature related issue.  Because they staunchly believe it is their constitutional prerogative to make suckers out of voters whenever elections are announced and courts should not interfere, but just watch the sorry spectacle.  Voters are offended because they do not mind those freebies and enjoy making the politicians look like idiots when they take all the goodies and vote according to their whim anyway, swiping the kickbacks away from the equation.  Honest taxpayers are pricked since it is their hard earned money paid as taxes, which is used to fund the freebies when huge quantum of developmental work suffers for want of funds. But, to be fair, who does not mind freebies? Take the example of all the discounts, coupons and cash-backs that people gleefully accept from e-commerce platforms and the like.  What are they?  The saving grace is that this set is not funded by taxpayer's money but by mindlessly valuation-driven moneybags and that charade goes on all through the year, not only for a specific period.  If you look askance at that one difference, the entire population is guilty of savouring the freebies doled out perennially. 

With that preamble, let us see how innovative politicians can get with the freebies, assuming the supreme court is rendered powerless to stop this pestilence too, just as it has happened with many other malpractices in our country.   Nobody is taken in by the righteous and shrill objections from parties that spending on health care, education etc cannot be seen as freebies, because these are not the prickly issues in this practice and there can be no objection to those.  Problem is that genuine welfare expenses covering all the people as in the case of health and education can and do very easily, seamlessly merge with all kinds of flaky stuff like TVs, grinders, saris, shirts etc and here lies the rub.  If free cycles for girls going to school are justified, why not scooters for the parents to ferry the children to school and back?  With their well articulated mastery over specious arguments, political parties can rationalise any freebie, so long as some part of the public benefits.  So, let us not look for any rationale or vindication in this article and just imagine what all can be included in freebies and how.  All in good humour, so that no one takes serious umbrage.

Liquor is mammoth and serious business and most governments are involved in it - some even manufacturing and distributing the potions.  Liquor sales are one of the biggest tax generators for state governments and all those people who cry foul about price rise do not bat an eye lid before jostling a crowd in sweltering heat to get their tipple, whatever the cost. So, how about providing free stored value cards for stated amounts, valid for a year from the date of issue (after a government takes charge), so that voting population can enjoy their favourite drink and pay using the card.  The vends will collect taxes on the sales and channel that booty to the government.  So, the shrewd and well-meaning government gets to recoup at least some of the investment in this freebie.  Why is this a worthwhile benefit?  The perpetually harassed housewives can be free from the uncouth and testy behaviour of half-drunk husbands who are frustrated because they cannot be fully inebriated, at least for a few days and the resultant relief is a good reason for them to vote for the party in elections. Winners all around; party gets to power, husbands get additional bottles of liquor free, wives are relieved somewhat and government gets to rake in tax.  Of course, the liquor business is a GDP booster and employment creator, to boot.

Just to be even handed, the next freebie to be considered is free cable TV connections to the homes of voters. This could be a big welfare measure because it benefits the ladies at home, who diligently watch all the soaps and movies aired throughout the evening spellbound, ignoring the drunk husbands and pestering children.  The husbands are also probably happy because they do not have to listen to the raves and rants of women at home, even as they are passing out.  Older children are pleased to be left alone, able to indulge in their gadgets for a few hours without anyone looking over their shoulder.  Something which makes for a relatively peaceful home environment with very few complaints - except from those who are not serious drinkers and those who are averse to TV and of course the angry tax payer.

Next is something for the young voter and older children. Another stored value card for fixed amount to be used for mobile phone recharges.  Obviously this is supporting education in times of covid and allied maladies, since children are using mobile phones to attend classes.  Of course this measure makes for addiction to mobiles and all the video games they offer, but then what is a bit of collateral damage when overall development of the child is being facilitated.  Some political parties may even want to give free mobile phones to school and college children to let academics flourish in the states.

Subsidised subscriptions to specific newspapers which are party organs or at least friendly to the party/government could be another freebie.  All those people who choose to successfully evade the propagandistic outpouring on the TV stations owned by the political parties, can be targeted through this medium.  Of course, there will be accusations, rightly so, of such an arrangement benefiting the party directly, but then this will not be the first or last in that line.  All the party has to do is to hold a massive protest on a working day, in a highly congested central business district, blocking all traffic and making outrageous counter complaints against all those accusers. People tend to forget these things easily.

The final recommendation my dear wife has is for free outpatient treatment in all major hospitals given to those who are involved in accidents caused by pot-holed roads and knee-high speed bumps.  This will be a big hit, in places like Bangalore, where progressively there are more and more potholes and speed breakers and less of clear roads.  If you thought you are an experienced and careful rider and could  successfully negotiate all pot-holes, the next speed bump will get you.  With traffic at about 15 kmph even in non-peak hours, why there is such a multiplicity of speed breakers in every stretch of road is a legitimate question, but then who is listening?  With accidents increasing year on year in proportion to pot-holes and speed bumps, it looks like this is a genuine welfare measure and people would lap it up.

Not being a politician, this writer is not able to delve deep into the bag of freebies that parties might have already filled up.  So, we shall await the turn of the experts to unleash their talents to snare the voters!

 

   

Senior Citizens' Discussions

With due apologies to the senior citizens group, let me submit this piece is not a derisive critique of their ways.  Simply because I am myself an integral part of that group and indulge in this characteristic behaviour intermittently.  While this may be amusing on the one hand, causing some mirth at the expense of the elders, it is an effort to clarify that it is but inevitable that one's mind and body expeirences have to form a substantive part of one's conversations and they do, for the seniors.  So, if there are afflictions that bother elders - unfortunately, that is the way of life for most - naturally it follows that they tend to be expressive of that.  This piece is to shine some light on this behaviour and see if some changes can be implemented to ensure that as a group, we do not put off others and make them shy away from our attempts at conversations. 

When youngsters meet they raucuously discuss cricket or loud music or some new restuarant or yes, girls.  But when elders congregate, especially on occasions like wedding or similar social occasions which do not demand their undivided attention (it is true that very few are gripping enough to do that), conversations invariably meander and end up in the domain of health issues.  Why?  Because those are much more real and present than any other thing in the current lives of most seniors.  They might start with some old film song or playback singer, touch upon a recently deceased cricketer of the 1970s, progress to how life was easier during their youth which has receded inexorably back into the far corners of memory and then after a lull in the conversation, the question invariably pops up `by the way, how is your knee'or 'how is your diabetes' or `is the prostate okay'?  That is like a match shown to a few pieces of camphor.  

There are two types of responses to the above query, depending on the personality of the individual.  If he/she is a somewhat private, taciturn person, the reply would be almost terse; like `oh, its okay, am carrying on with that God's gift'.  Then they make it clear that they would rather not plunge further into that topic.  Then there is the other type, the loquacious, starved-for-conversation, self indulgent person, who pounces on any such opening and seizes the opportunity like a seal snatching fish from the hands of the reluctant trainer.  It is almost as if he/she has been waiting on the fringes, sniffing for something like this to pop up.  He/she barges in to open the flood-gates and start `sharing' all that research he/she has done on knees in general and meniscus tear, wearing out of cartilage, orthoscopic surgery vs knee replacement and whatever else is published on related subjects.  This person is so evolved on the subject and involved with such intensity, nobody else can get in edgeways even to say three words together.  Such a person invariably is also a good story-teller and this combination in deadly in terms of attracting audience.

Everyone has knees and in old age knees also mean niggles to pain, so relating to what is being expounded is easy.  This means all those in the vicinity, who were listlessly mumbling meaningless platitudes, tend to hear the high decibel exposition on 'knees' and are drawn to it like moths to the flame.  Soon the number of participants increases and what you have are multi-layered circles of enthusiastic people, pretty much like the multiple ripples caused by a stone chucked into water.  Very soon, what is on the table is a cornucopia of medical information about knees and all problems related to them, including leading doctors who do this or that, all kinds of knee support systems like caps, braces and wheelchairs.  Also thrown in are the most efficacious medication available.  But generally it would be foolish to expect some agreement on anything regarding this, not the doctors, not the tablets, or anything else since for each problem there are about fifty `best' doctors and about seventy six `super' medicines. Of course, there are a couple of guys who have no problem with knees but have ulcers or migraine and they feel pathetically left out in the cold during this effusive display.  They wince, start circulating more aggressively, wistfully looking out for another forum, where their ailment might be the hot topic. But `knees' as a topic of conversation is a big hit amongst seniors anywhere, one can wager a hefty amount.

Some sufferers would plunge into graphic description of all the issues they face and might make it impossible to even look at the wedding meal one has been waiting for.  These people do not care about aesthetics or finesse and go on and on about the minutest details of the impairments they carry in their bodies and their impact. In their fervour, such people do not realise that others might be revulsed by their intimate exposition. Then experience says that one sensible octaogenarian will materialise from somewhere, to hobble in and shut the whole thing down with a few stern, choice utterances to the hyped up blabberer, to the relief of the listeners. It is easy to empathize with the elders and the tendency to talk about health issues amongst others.  But my preference is for those who do this subtly, imparting knowledge, broadcasting useful titbits without taking a large ladle, plunging it into the mess and stirring violently.  Not done, you will agree?  My dear wife has her own strong views; she thinks all discussions on the subject of seniors' problems should be banned officially and eschewed consciously by everyone, in the interests of overall mental wellbeing of seniors themselves.

I hear from time to time of an eighty-five yeard old woman running a marathon and a ninety six year old man doing triathalon.  I have not been blessed enough to see any such person, but I am sure there exists a sprinkling of such people in reality. It would be nice to have a formula to get to such a healthy mix of old age and fitness. But how many succeed, despite sustained efforts? I recall T S Eliot's `The Waste Land' and the sibyl.  This sibyl desired to live for ever and prayed for that and some mischievous God granted her that wish.  As years pass, she realised she was shrinking in size and had to be eventually put into a cage to protect her from being trampled by somebody.  So, longevity in life is good, but what should be a necessary accompaniment is resonably good health.  God has built our bodies for, say,  sixty years and from the sixty first, He blesses us with minor, major malaises, watching from the sidelines with His inscrutable smile.  I wish elders could make a collective, persuasive representation to God for a more even distribution - mix of longevity and good health for X years. 

But then, if this boon is granted to us, what will the seniors discuss on future social occasions?  Probably the disproportionate allocation of the two components for some of them??