Festivals in India

Heart aflutter, like a student anxiously scrutinizing the notice board for examination results, I made the customary call to my mother in Madras one week before Deepavali.  Between them -  she and my dear father - they sift through a dozen almanacs, consult a couple of spiritual gurus; talk to a bunch of relatives (who are completely retired, yet stressed out due to overwork involving such critical issues); and also strain their well-calibrated antennae to trap information floating in the ether - all in an effort to fix the exact date on which our family is to celebrate Deepavali.  So, invariably this is what transpires. My dear wife, going by the very straightforward announcement by the government that 12th November is the holiday for the festival, organizes the mornings and evenings for a few days to the T, well in advance. Then her mother calls and tells her that the Mangalorean Deepavali is on the 13th, no questions asked and the commotion begins.  Neighbours who are true blue Bangaloreans (please observe how that one letter at the beginning changes things drastically!) vociferously advertise their intent to celebrate on the 11th because, well, their mothers told them that IS the day. Finally our matriarch imperially decrees over phone that we should unequivocally uphold our Iyengar heritage by doing the honours on the 14th morning between 4 am and 7 am.   An ancient uncle, a rabid Vaishnavite offering extreme advice on such matters gratis, calls and categorically tells us that we should diligently avert all traps set by the scheming Iyers, who want to celebrate on the previous day; as if he is marshaling troops to out-manoeuvre the enemy in battle.

The whole scheme of Deepavali in India is so dynamic and varied that once, when I called a friend in Mysore to wish him, instead of being cheerful and pleasant - true to the spirit of the festival - he barked at me on his cell phone and told me to buzz off; the angst was not my doing, but caused by the fact that his organization had decided to declare Deepavali holiday two days later, depriving him of the joy of being with his larger family and friends on that day.  So I learnt that it pays to be sensitive to regional differences in these matters and send email messages out instead of calling to greet.  To confound the confusion, celebrations are in the morning in some parts of South India (other parts seem to have rebelled sometime earlier and broken away from that tradition, because my wife swears that in Mangalore it has always been in the evening), while the North and West deliberately get out of bed a few hours late on that day, to make a point.  We really don't know whether they celebrate anything except Durga Pooja in the East-- blessed people.  May be they can add Mamata Pooja from next year??  That would be unique and noone else in India would probably want to celebrate that.

Similar confusion reigns in the case of many other festivals in India, since mothers, uncles and pandits (am not specifically mentioning fathers because they are, by default, folded into `mothers' as is well-known) are at this game all the time.   Take Janmashtami or Krishna Jayanthi, God Krishna's birthday, for instance.  Going by the Hindu calendar and knowing Krishna's birth star, the day could come only once a year, one would think.  But, people are simply averse to any unanimity regarding that one day to celebrate.  When I was a student, once I essayed into a rational exercise with all the elders ganging up to protect their turf, to find out why our neighbours were celebrating Krishna's birthday one day before we did - you guessed it, they were Iyers.  As is inevitable in these fuzzy matters, when they realised there was no way their distilled wisdom was going to be adequate to win the day, the conversation abruptly ended with my grandfather sternly declaring in that special tone which brooked no further argument and indicated an immediate shutdown of democratic debate, that I was too young to comprehend such weighty issues.  I am sure similar problems exist with the birthdays of whole host of gods in the Hindu pantheon, like Subramanya, Ganesha and Rama.  Perhaps Shiva and Dasaratha, as devoted parents, deliberately misrepresented birthdates of their progeny, to persuade the rishis at the time of their intake into the gurukul!  Thereby creating multiple birthdates for their wards?  And perhaps, that was the genesis of the subsequently prevalent practice of parents initiating their children into school with a lie - a modified date of birth for convenience!

If we have such difficulty in having a uniform date for festivals, is it surprising that the lore, mythological and otherwise, attached to a festival like Deepavali, is also different in regions?  I grew up in the South, listening to the story of Narakasura, a rampaging demon being killed on that day by God Krishna and the latter enjoining the populace to celebrate the day as Deepavali, with rows of brightly lit lamps.  When I moved to Delhi, I realised that Diwali was being celebrated there to commemorate the return of God Rama from his arduous life in the forest for 14 years, after overcoming the evil Ravana.  With the change in the spelling, the underlying reason also shifted - tectonically by a whole yuga, from Dwapara to Treta! The saving grace is just that both the interpretations stress that the celebration is for the demolition of evil forces by the good ones.  Thank
God that good sense has so far prevailed to retain that overarching reason.  Similarly, the story behind Dussehra also differs from region to region.  Generally the festival glorifies Goddess Durga, who annihilated evil in the form of Mahishasura and in the East, this theme prevails.  In the North, God Rama again makes his presence felt by getting the nine days celebrated as Ramlila.  In the South, contemporary Dussehra has become more social and cultural, with the religious significance receding a bit.  Of course, most of the Hindu gods find their place in the Kolu in miniature form.

Look at the western world's calendar for festivals; they have set dates for Chistmas, Thanksgiving and Halloween.  There has been no attempt by any faction to celebrate these festivals on other days for whatever reason, I presume.  Provides for simplicity and takes out the confusion factor completely.

Do I sound like I would prefer a uniform date for our festivals also?   Nice, but I think that would be too pat for India.  We do enjoy and thrive on the confusion caused by such inconsistencies in life.  No, I would stick with what we have and be buffeted by the unpredictable variations that come along with the festivals.  They augment the fun.  And, I definitely do not want to miss calling my mother to find out when Deepavali arrives at our home - there is some thrill in that.  And remember the mothers, pandits and uncles - they have something exciting to do for a fortnight and I would hate to deprive them of that fun.

Garbage Dump that is Bangalore!

No, you read it right; there is no mistake.  The title is intentionally that.  The reason is probably pretty obvious to those who have made Bangalore their abode, but others will require elucidation, which begins NOW.   During the past two months, Bangalore's politically driven and absolutely useless administrative set-up is so mixed up with garbage that it has become conveniently redundant to make any distinction between the two.  When the news media got tired of the saga of politicians' shameful shenanigans - small, medium and big (one size does not fit all in this field because hierarchy is critical) - they thrived on stories of garbage lying around in the city, uncleared for weeks.  A lot of like-minded people agreed with this scribe that they could not figure out what caused the more offensive part of that all-pervasive stink, the garbage piles or the political and bureaucratic classes (let us refer to this group collectively as Masters of Garbage or MoG, for the sake of brevity and convenience) tasked with keeping the city relatively clean.  As we go to press with this, suspicion is gaining ascendancy that there has been an effective and silent merger of the two parts - the garbage and MoG; the latter seem to be voluntarily and comfortably hiding somewhere under the mounds of garbage to escape the wrath of the public.  To boot, courts are sniping at MoG to act immediately, with some dire legal threats.

As is customary in India in matters relating to public funds, garbage disposal also provides immense scope for MoG to exploit for personal gains.  This group is tickled pink by the idea of using their own acolytes and sycophants as designated contractors and making a `clean and healthy' profit out of garbage. Of course, MoG diligently ensures that the best qualification such contractors have is virtually no experience or expertise in garbage disposal.  MoG's nexus with such contractors who actually pretend to clear garbage once in a while, pocket increasing amounts of money from the local government as charges and share a sizable portion (no, not of the garbage but the money) with the former, is a fool-proof mechanism perfected over the years by `public servants' in government for all kinds of contract dole-outs.  The problem is, as usual, that not even half the sanctioned funds get used for the assigned purpose because of leakages. That also means the contractor has far less resources to do the job and reluctantly does a quarter of the required work.  Accountability is non existent simply because this is a classic case of `fence eating the crop'.

The above situation is further complicated by health-conscious villagers around Bangalore suddenly developing the temerity to ask the government why their villages should act as dumps for Bangalore's garbage.  How can they?  The city has given them so much (!!), what is a daily dose of  some hundred tonnes of garbage in return?  While MoG is roiled seriously at this revolt, they cannot openly retaliate; not because their collective  conscience has woken up from the perpetually moribund state and their minds' eyes have suddenly been opened to the physical and moral wrong being perpetrated on the villagers; but because ultimately they need all the votes from all those surrounding villages.  Urban dwellers are probably not going to vote anyway for the party in power because garbage is not being cleared, among other things; it is not politically savvy to be bitten from both ends!  The only prudent thing to do is to look for another set of unsuspecting villages further out, which will be suckered into receiving `the wealth of garbage' with open arms, using, what else - bribes to the village chieftains and other important folks and an one-time-bonus of toddy and trinkets for the general populace.  This works better for the MoG because with the garbage moving out to the next concentric circle around the city, distance increases from Bangalore and garbage disposal can justifiably become costlier.  Who do you think benefits??

A somewhat optimistic, brave, new officer was indeed put in charge of the utility that oversees the garbage disposal.  He started in earnest by going around the city early in the morning, talking to workers and encouraging them to do the needful.  He seemed enthusiastic, despite the stink associated with his rounds and our hearts warmed to him.  Agreements with all existing contractors were to be cancelled and companies with expertise were to be brought in for garbage disposal.  Simultaneously he also pushed the city government to put out rules regarding garbage segregation at the source, that is, at people's homes.  Well begun, we thought.   But, within a month or so, this officer has sought a transfer out of that, errr, garbage!  We do not know the exact provocation for this request, but we can surely hazard a good guess.  If the steps taken are allowed to fructify, the racketeering in garbage will reduce significantly and clearing might truly happen.   Companies with expertise, especially the foreign ones, may not `participate' in the established `you-line-my-pocket-and-I-line-yours' routine, thereby depriving the MoG of serious cashflow.  They may actually do a good job, instituting proper recycling processes etc, which will shut down this avenue for MoG forever.  More critically, if this succeeds, what about all those other dysfunctional areas like road-repairs and other civic work?  Could there be a clamour for change in all those too, thereby accelerating the deprivation of the MoG?  With so much at stake, would the MoG permit such good officers to succeed?  Obviously not.

Now, Bangaloreans themselves do not come out smelling like roses, from this garbage crisis.  A very simple mechanism to segregate dry, wet and other wastes was communicated to everyone.  Each household was to hand over segregated waste to the cleaners.  Instead of doing this bit diligently, mixed garbage was handed over, rejected by the cleaners and dutifully dumped by our own respected fellow citizens in the usual place, the street corners.  Actually one serious lady cleaner told the media `if educated people like these do not segregate properly after all the instructions, what do we cleaners do'?  We can conveniently blame the cleaners, the system, the city government and everyone else in and out of sight, for various things like lack of training, poor communication, absence of infrastructure etc.  But, ultimately we are not talking rocket science, but garbage, for God's sake.  How difficult is it to adhere to some basics and ensure that we do not provide any excuse to anyone to dump the garbage back on the roadside??  If we cannot even do that, do we deserve anything better than what we get now?  Without the active involvement and co-operation of the people at ground level, no such initiative will succeed and despite all the hullabaloo created by city dwellers, as of now we are part of the problem, not the solution.

It is funny that legislators and city government officials from Bangalore regularly do foreign jaunts to exotic locations to learn governance and management but things seldom get better and quality of life in the city goes down a few notches annually.  There is a city in Gujarat, which almost got overwhelmed by plague a decade or so back - Surat.  Today it is very clean, thanks to the work of a couple of administrators, one of them is a resident of Bangalore now, I believe.  So, the city need not look elsewhere to get a blueprint of a possible solution.  But, is there a desire to do that?  If there is, city officials could have learnt temporary solutions from neighbouring cities like Chennai, whose solution for garbage disposal may not be ideal but at least it seems to work.  But given the political and chauvinistic sensitivity, that would be anathema, I am sure.  So why not Gujarat, which is politically aligned to Bangalore and does not need Cauvery water from Karnataka? Ultimately, if politicians, bureaucrats, contractors and people themselves do not collectively rise above the garbage levels we have all sunk to, in order to find lasting solutions, who is to blame?

Beyond Shelf-Life

`Let me serve the public for a few more years', the reporter can barely decipher, through an educated guess,  what this once-eminent orator-politician is whispering hoarsely, hampered by ill-health.  The former was granted a thirty second interview with the ailing leader. The guardians of the party shrewdly concluded that anything longer would expose the all-chinks-no-armour condition of the leader and the reporter too was hoping only to confirm that the leader was breathing still. The leader's verbal output is an incomprehensible jumble of sibilants and plain hot air, mingling with strong vapours of onion and garlic from the breakfast. Lip movement is of scant help in determining what he intends to convey.  The attendant, who is the seventy year old son of the elder statesman and a frustrated and desperate forever-waiting-in-the-wings-leader himself, smiles broadly and almost triumphantly; all eagerness, he asserts that the `leader is as clear in his thinking and lucid in communication today as he was ten years back'.  The reporter cannot recall it being this bad a decade ago and it was a major disaster then.  But though aghast, he wisely decides against any contradiction, minding his own physical welfare.

The nonagenarian leader has lived the last twenty years of his life, vaguely recognizing only silhouettes of even elephants brought by sycophantic followers to garland him, from time to time.  Being the original visionary, he has been able to rule his kingdom, using the eyes of lesser human beings -a la Dridhirashtra- around him.  The only saving grace is that his hearing faculty still remains excellent, as evidenced by the fact that he recently expelled three unsuspecting and indiscreet minions from the party because they were heard, at a reasonable distance but within his earshot, discussing the consequences to the party when `the great leader' kicked the bucket.  And the Policy Making Committee had promptly and jubilantly decided the next day that equipped with just that single ability in an otherwise severely disabled physique, the leader can run the party and possibly the government for the next five years; some brainless pollyannas hoped for ten, driven by their extreme anxiety about being swept prematurely into political wilderness. All because the leader has been the lone vote-catcher for 60 years for the languishing party, which was thrashed badly in the last election.

Sounds very familiar in the Indian context??  One can be sure that there are about ten politicians like this in every state, one for each party, holding forth from a wheelchair, kept alive by an expensive and state-of-the-art artificial support system funded by the government when the leader was in power.  Well, may be somewhat exaggerated,  but not a lot.  Why are we so fond of keeping such half-dead political leaders in the limelight, way beyond their shelf life??  Is it because we do not have good substitutes?  Certainly not.  The reason is more like the inability of the subsequent generations to dislodge the old bandicoots, who have tasted blood and want to perpetuate their stronghold.  And the rather insecure and less confident younger politicians are mortally afraid of an abrupt collapse of their own political world if the wily old foxes withdraw intentionally or otherwise, which again is a state of mind carefully created and nurtured by the senior leaders for their own benefit.  This explains why sixty year olds are considered `young blood' in most parties in India and we have seventy year old debutant ministers in governments.

But what is even more puzzling is that politics in not the only domain wherein this phenomenon is uniquely manifest.  Take the music industry for example.  One should be amazed by every upcoming playback singer and music director, in clear displays of utter sycophancy towards an eighty year old singer who was an undisputed queen-bee earlier, exhorting her to keep `those superb melodies' flowing for ever. When, in reality, she can barely hold her voice steady for a chit-chat.  No doubt, she is a legend, has an absolutely enviable body of work done over 50 years and completely deserves to be deified.  But is that a good enough justification for her to have continued singing odd songs in a shaking voice, which does not even have a vague resemblance to the melodious one of her heydays, trembling and croaking her way through a few lines of lyric??  Pitiably, when you hear the recent numbers of this lady, you actually get so offended that you dont even want to listen to all those fascinating songs of yore.  Being such a good musician, it is not as if this lady cannot tell the difference between what she was and what she is now.  So, why does she inflict this on herself and others, knowing fully well that she is well past her sell-by-date??  Can't she see that a dignified and complete exit to the sidelines, where she can truly bathe in the glory of being a great mentor or a guiding spirit, is probably going to serve her interests better, with all that glorious work standing her in good stead?

What about Sports?  Cricket, specifically? Some astute and perceptive cricketers who have served the country with great distinction, seem to have kept their fingers on the pulse of their careers and timed their retirements so exquisitely that people are left wondering `A pity; he could have played for a couple of years more'.  This has happened twice in the past year and our respect for such individuals has not diminished one bit even though they wont be in the limelight as players.  And then we have this demi god of a cricketer, who has always struck you as a wise and dignified individual all through his career, deciding to hang around even after he has himself admitted that `not much cricket is left in him'.  His recent performance has been up and down by his own high standards and his fan following has plummeted a bit.  One heard clear murmurs of `isn't it time for retirement' in the public domain; something that was anathema just a year back is being aired freely now.  But he hangs on - God only knows for what! Money or TV time or fame cannot be the reason because he has seen it all and must be beyond all that.  Loving cricket cannot be the only reason because a lot of people love cricket.   He may still score a couple of centuries and send unadulterated fans into raptures, but is it worth the risk of being lowered a few notches from being the game's presiding deity to just another great player?  One cannot fathom this at all.

And then, we had that rather unedifying spectacle of two ageing tennis players with bloated egos, repeatedly getting into public spats, culminating in an ugly showdown regarding selection for Olympics.  A lot of dirty linen was washed in public and that served only to divide even the players, while considerably dimming the aura of success that shone on these two individuals, thanks to their significant achievements in doubles play, never before witnessed among Indian players.  Could these two have gracefully given way to younger players earlier and avoided all this muck?

Certainly such specimens abound in other spheres too.  It looks like India suffers from this syndrome, despite the fact that we have our population coming out of nooks and crannies and youngsters are snapping at the heels of the earlier generation in all facets of life.   It would be nice to see the oldies, however great they have been, willingly and happily getting out of the way a bit earlier and actively mentoring youngsters who can take over the mantle eventually.  Think about it; innumerable gifted teachers have done exactly that, all through the ages.  But then those teachers did not really bask in the glory called limelight, I guess.  Is that the difference??

Bharath Bandh (India Shutdown)!!

The forlorn face, which seems to have miraculously managed to stay attached to the skeletal frame through all the trials and tribulations Life has violently and mercilessly thrown at the combined entity, said it all without even a feeble moan escaping from the mouth.  It has always been like this during the past few years, ever since we moved to this neighbourhood.  Within a day of the latest wallop bruising her body afresh, the lady would show up at our doorstep.  Without even a mumble most of the time, absolutely wordlessly, she would manage to convey to my wife the bad tidings that she had descended an inch further into structurally debilitating monetary problems and needed immediate sustenance for the survival of her brood and herself.  The requirement never runs into thousands, but is discreetly kept at a few hundreds; just enough to probably feed everyone for a few days, until the new low is painfully overcome.   In short order, every single rupee is repaid graciously, with a wan crease on the face, which goes for a smile.  Even when the body and the spirit remain perpetually stricken, pride shines through - that she is no longer in our debt and can come back again, as and when needed.

That is the story of the lady who earns her living, selling vegetables out of a few baskets on the sidewalk, near our home - a true blue representative of the `common man' in this particular context.  The latest instance of her fidgety presence at our threshold inevitably coincided with the Bharath Bandh (India Shutdown), called by various `sagacious' political parties, throbbing with overwhelming concern for the welfare of people at large, to protest a few decisions taken by the government, purportedly against the interests of the common man.  This scribe tends to believe that the opposition parties' primary and most virulent objection is to the fact that `any' decision was taken at all, despite their own best efforts to stall things, by a government which was almost ready for a postmortem.  One can empathize with them, if they thought this was unacceptable deception and a betrayal.  A moribund government, thriving with that status and tag, was being gently nudged deeper into coma by a thorny companion, masquerading as an ally.  It was going to be a matter of time before the end came in sleep, when suddenly the government exploded from its slumber, galvanized into a flurry of decisions it could have (and should have, probably) taken months ago.  All the other political parties, which were enjoying a cozy, paid holiday, engaged in a `parliament bandh', were taken unawares by the `uncalled for' burst of activity on the part of the government.  Feeling guilty that someone had gone to work when they themselves were more idle than usual, these parties could not think of any rational response other than a `politically savvy' and `dripping with concerns for the common man' call for an All India Shutdown (Bharath Bandh).  Very generous of them; all they wanted was for the common man to enjoy at least one `holiday', while they were revelling in theirs for a month or so. The only telling difference was that they were getting paid all through their idling, whereas the single day's shutdown caused enormous hardship and livelihood issues for the common man, the supposed beneficiary for their thoughtful action, depriving many daily wage earners of their income for a few days and much more.

Let us see who gets what out of such enforced bandhs:

Hooligans from various political parties, who somehow completely bypassed that part of God's assembly line which dispenses brains (something tells me this is not accidental), but got double the quantum of  `mutton' in their bodies and heads as a bargain, create panic (some buses are burnt, glass panes are broken, public and private property is destroyed/damaged and a few bystanders are injured) in the minds of people to coerce them to stay indoors, even if they can ill afford that.  This exercise in destruction and spreading fear should provide some entertainment and pleasure to the hooligans, otherwise why would they indulge in it?  One cannot think of anyone doing this other than by choice!

But there are people who just cannot sit at home, for fear of losing wages or even jobs.  Public transport buses generally vanish from the roads, leaving such commuters at the mercy of this special tribe called `Autorickshaw-wallahs'.  Usually these guys assault sensibilities with verbal jousts as well as demands for double the actual fare.  On `bandh' days, they get ruthlessly aggressive and strip people of enormous amounts of money - upto 15 to 20 times the airconditioned bus fare.  Their justification is `there are very few days on which we can make such money, why would anyone grudge them that'!!  Obvious beneficiaries of bandhs.

Those with cars manage to reach their destinations faster on this day since there is virtually no traffic on the roads and breezily comment that they wished the roads were as good always.  However, they do realise that they run the risk of being pelted with stones or some other brand of arson.  

There are some other beneficiaries too, apart from the autorickshaw-wallahs.  I came across at least a dozen cases in which the employers chose to ferry their domestic help from and to the latter's residences, because otherwise they would be left holding the baby, literally!  One such employee beamed to me `Sir, I came by car to work today'.  Good for her! Those people with important ad hoc chores or emergency fixes did the same - got the required help brought home or elsewhere in their own vehicle and paid handsomely for the services.  One such workman was heard saying he wished there was a bandh everyday!  May be this is the constituency the organizers of the bandh are wooing.

Then we have those unfortunate small vendors, who have to sell all their perishable wares every day and make their margins in order to get their meal through the next day.  Theirs is a difficult life on normal days, but it gets terribly complicated on such days.  They think they have some advance notice of the shutdown and try to make an extra buck by bringing additional stock to sell on the day.  But, customers also plan for the shutdown and fail to show up, leaving such vendors to incur unaffordable losses.  This was what happened in the case of our lady mentioned in the first para.  Actually it was even more tragic.  She was prevented from keeping her stock on the sidewalk by the same hoodlums, who collect protection money from her, but had taken the new avatar of enforcers of the bandh, thanks to the mandate from the ruling political party!! Due to direct threats, she had to abandon her unsold stock and run helter-skelter.  The next day she came home for the loan.

Organizers of these bandhs can claim to be visionaries interested in the long-term benefits accruing to the common man from such bandhs, even if there is inconvenience in the short run.  What long term benefit are they talking about??  All the measures against which the bandh was organized remain in place.  Industry associations send out routine bulletins indicating production losses amounting to billions of rupees, due to the bandh.  God only knows how many people would end up losing their livelihood consequently.

Even judiciary tentatively agrees `bandh' is a legitimate instrument of protest in a democracy.   So, it looks like there is no getting away from that.  However, we should ensure that these bandhs take place without the element of force and without pushing ordinary men and women over the precipice.  I am an advocate of all such disruptive rallies and bandhs being held in pre-designated Rally Arenas, away from towns and cities; these should be fully televised to engage those interested.   That would be real democracy for a change.  But then, for the organizers, they may not seem like success stories to brag about.  Is a change in outlook possible?  I guess not, because politicians know that public memory is so short that by the time the next shutdown comes (pretty soon, eh!) this one will be long forgotten.  

So, unfortunately, our representative `common man', the vegetable vendor lady, has no option but to make repeated trips to our neighbourhood, beaten black and blue by every bandh, seeking solace in a small loan for her survival.   Long live democracy in India!!

Never a lender be!!

Coming from someone who had been a banker for 35 years and derived his compensation primarily from the banks' lending activity, that is bemusing, right?  Dont get me wrong, this has nothing to do with banks and similar entities which do their lending, using somebody else's money.  Honest bankers will readily admit that it is always fun to dole out funds that are not one's own.  So what, if the borrowers fade away and the loans go kaput; one does not personally lose anything.  Actually, come to think of it, nobody loses anything, so long as only a small portion of the borrowers play truant.  That is actually expected, part of the game; if every borrower repays everything, it would be absolutely boring. In such a scenario, a number of bankers might end up losing their livelihood since there is precious little for them to do and managements might just deprive them of employment. Only when the repayment-dodging-malady gets widespread and a bank fails as a result, depositors may be affected.  May be not, even then; the idea of a failed bank is so repugnant to any government or regulator that such `bad' banks unfailingly get merged with some large, good public sector bank, which can mask all the losses and everybody can pretend that nothing serious has happened.  So, the wise man he was, Shakespeare could not have had lending institutions in his mind when he spilled these precious words. This is strictly for individuals, who cannot rely on public funds but have to lend out of their own resources; and are not in the same mould as Shylock, romping about, demanding pounds of flesh for unpaid dues!

I guess Shakespeare was a rather generous, avancular lender, with little or no experience in credit analysis and paying no heed to credit bureau ratings.  He must have collected funds at the box office in a sack during his plays and while smugly carrying the booty home, must have doled out loans to whoever accosted him with a polite request.  That meant the delinquency ratio for his lending business must have been sky-high since those who took advantage of his kindness did not think it necessary to repay the loans; probably that was never part of their plot. Obviously, Shakespeare did not run a decent collecting agency to chase them, which complicated the scene.  Why else would he make Polonius in Hamlet give this rather timeless and universally sound advice `Never a borrower nor a lender be' to his son??  But I have a bone to pick with the bard on this.  He should have concentrated only on the `never a lender be' part, because there are immense benefits in borrowing (and not repaying), as we all know.  That is a great and easy way of creating wealth for yourself and your progeny, as many contemporary worthies have demonstrated over the years; especially if the lender is a public sector bank!  Well, one's reputation may be impaired a wee bit in the corners or even damaged seriously, but that is a very small price to pay in a world shamelessly devoid of honour, which glorifies money, idolizes the wealthy and chooses to read and peremptorily ignore the footnote in bold print as to how the wealth came about!  Especially when you can change your name and resurface in some other location, doing your own reincarnation without dying! But I am forgetting that in Shakespeare's time, honour meant something; so, let me not be overly critical of the big S. in this context. Since it would be anachronistic today to dwell too much on `never a borrower be', let us focus on the other part.

Almost all of us, with a retinue of staff such as drivers, maids, gardeners, cooks and the like, are rather forced to be reluctant lenders repeatedly.  Invariably, even before the new driver, on a test run, has taken us to the next block or the cook has made the first roti, the ubiquitous loan application has already landed with us.  For some strange reason, we are only too willing to suspend disbelief and imagine that this driver or cook is going to be significantly better than the previous one.  In our desperation we are absolutely delighted to expose ourselves to an even larger loan than the one which the previous employee took and decamped without repaying, as is the norm.  Actually the higher the first-day-loan-demand is, in some strange way we are more convinced of the `good' intentions of the new employee to stay with us and work the loan off!  If one is rather wary of parting with 3 to 6 months' salary as loan on Day 1 and wants to protest, an angry glare and muttered-under-the-breath warnings from the spouse propel one with outstretched arms (laden with the money) towards the new recruit!  Once this hara-kiri is committed, the rest is like watching the first minute of an MGM or Columbia produced movie - the same lion roaring or lady with a torch benignly looking at us; only the title (in this case, the name of the individual) varies.

This is a real life story.  One vendor in the area where I live was so impressive with his conduct that I was bowled over.  He would not even cross my path, when I walked.  When he saw me coming, he would dismount the cycle and wait for me to pass.  Even in the middle of the road, he would remove his sandals and then answer my question, if I had one.  Such exemplary show of respect, nay, reverence!!  It was all too good to believe and I should have read the hidden signs, but did not.  A couple of times, he touched me for small `advances' and returned them as committed to, thereby building up his case and reputation as a borrower.  One day he brought a mini truck and parked it in front my house and said he wants some funds to buy that one.  He very respectfully urged me to take the documents for the vehicle as collateral.  He was even willing to park the vehicle in front of my house to assuage my concerns as a lender (that was what I thought initially, but subsequently realised that parking elsewhere was a problem and expensive!).  Suitably impressed with his approach, I agreed to lend him some money, despite alarm bells jingling inside me all over.   Well, the rest is... what......yes....like watching the first minute of an MGM or Columbia produced movie etc etc.  He is still profoundly respectful and takes off his sandals while I pass him, but no repayment is forthcoming nor do I see any intent on the horizon.  The only vague comfort is that he does provide a service to us and we can adjust a miniscule amount every month against the loan!! So, all is not lost.

But this one takes the cake.  Recently there were glowing newspaper reports about a very honest auto rickshaw driver, who restored to a customer, a bag with some articles and a large amount of money which were left behind in the vehicle.  The reports said he was poor and could not even afford treatment for his ailing wife.  We called this chap, spoke to him and he shed copious tears on hearing we were willing to bail him out of his problems.  We decided to fund him to the extent of the other expensive loans he had taken from moneylenders so that he can get on with him life peacefully.  Just as a small test, we gave 50% of the amount as a gift and the balance 50% as an interest-free loan, to be  repaid monthly in installments.  He elevated all of us to the level of gods overseeing the poor and the helpless; fell at our feet and thanked us.  Out of the 20 installments he was due to repay, we got 2; then there was stony silence.  A couple of calls to him yielded no response and we had to see a replay of the first minute of an MGM or Columbia produced............. And to think that we gave him the money to appreciate his integrity and honesty!!! What an irony!

So, I have gotten wiser and have decided that if I wanted to help someone, I will hand the money over as a giveaway.  No expectation of repayment and no sour feeling of having been cheated. 

Death of a public servant

I made that seamless and successful move three years ago from being a stretched-time slave to multinational corporations who paid me rather well, to being a piecemeal slave to various people I did not even know existed till then, who wanted compensation from me for their slave-driving efforts!  Since then, this masochistic thought that I should try my hand in public service through an elected office has been eating my brain - the remnants of that, anyway - like the veritable `canker in the bud', to quote the bard. Desperate calls from beacons like Anna Hazare, backed up by earnest endorsements from Kalmadi, Raja, almost the entire political tribe in Karnataka and many of their ilk elsewhere, for all right-minded and honest individuals to enter politics to clean that sewer up, just fanned the flame a bit more.  And then the first opportunity gently floated on to my lap, as if someone watching over me wanted to put me through a baptism by fire.

The association of the owners of the villas we live in goes through this gut-wrenching and exciting annual experience to elect its management committee of seven and I had some fiftysix people urging me to contest that year.  My arithmetic was still razor-sharp and my teacher-wife helped me firm up the numbers, which seemed to scream that I had the backing of at least 30% of the voters, if not more.  As a seasoned public-servant-to-be I looked for sephologists ready with exit interviews and not finding any, I smartly demanded assurances of my victory from the populace.  When they  came through in various forms, my mind was made up and I said 'yes' to the collective glee of my supporters.  Only when someone yelled with relief `Aha, one down and six more to go', I realised that something was amiss. But by the time I got wiser to the situation that every year the owners had to literally drag seven sacrificial lambs to the altar kicking and screaming, it was too late.  It seems there never was an election due to acute paucity of candidates and the management committee was usually filled up with the unanimous choice of the owners!! So much for the euphoria over my first success to a vaguely quasi-public office!  The ensuing year was by no means traumatic because people were so very smug that they managed to put seven of us in place that they did not demand anything serious from the committee.  But this stint did give me my side-door entry into 'public' affairs.  Despite limited activity in the committee, there was adequate politics involving 200 households and I could imagine the nightmare, managing a larger population generally baying for your blood.

I was armed wih the above experience when the election of corporators came around and many of the political parties invited `qualified' people to approach them for selection of candidates. Some of my friends who knew I was a sucker for any public office promptly proposed my name to one of the parties and I was asked to present myself for an interview! I was very puzzled as to the need for that pow-wow because I knew I was probably overqualified educationally and my 35 years of working experience would have outstripped most others.  But, as a well wisher reminded me, this was serious politics and politics of any kind was `different'!  So, I landed at the venue for the interview on the appointed day, curious but not very anxious.

As I walked into the room, the three wise men managing the selection process greeted me warmly and after a short introduction, serious business commenced in earnest.  My effort to highlight my education and experience were peremptorily ignored, causing significant agitation in my mind.  But I was somewhat assuaged when I realised the three wise men wanted to discuss specific attributes which they considered essential for the job of a corporator.  They began with `integrity'.  My fervent launch into corruption in public offices and the need to restore probity  was brutally cut short after 8 seconds and they said they just wanted to know whether the party can `trust' me. My answer was categorical, yes, absolutely.  Next came the critical quality of being a team-player.  Extremely keen to impress, I began with being a member of these school teams and those college teams but again they would have none of it.  All they desired to hear was that I had no problem in working as a team member in this specific context and sharing credits with others working with me.   I triumphantly declared that my credo was always to share whatever success we achieved with colleagues and was pleased with myself for a job well done.  Then came the query whether I subscribed to the philosophy of Public-Private-Partnership (PPP) process.  I was pleasantly surprised that the party-men even knew about that and avidly identified myself with the principle.  That was it.  The interview was over and I was told that I was being shortlisted for the next meeting with the `leader'.

When I met the leader, he was again very focussed on the three attributes his lackeys discussed in the earlier meeting.  He expressed happiness that he can trust my integrity to keep all the monies collected from various sources during my tenure at the party's disposal; no accounts, no paper, just plain old trust, he reiterated.  Then he proceeded to applaud my team spirit; he clarified that without that, party leaders cannot hope to get their shares of the booty from corporators, especially when there are going to be no accounting books involved.  Finally, he explained the importance of the PPP process and the need to squirrel away a major portion of the public funds allotted to my constituency and deposit the same with specific private parties identified by the leaders.  I was too dumbfounded to even react when the leader asked me whether I was ready to firm up the percentage of shares etc. Being the terribly busy leader he was, he did not tarry long and went quickly to the next candidate, who seemed to be more clued in.

My desire for public service through elected office died a quiet and dignified death that day.  I do not even know where it lies buried now!  Not that I am looking out for it.

Air Indian Airlines (??!!)

The collective Indian heart should weep, looking at the deplorable way in which a good airline has been run into the ground with sinister precision over the last few decades.  The title has been deliberately picked to reflect the utter confusion in which our malfunctioning national airline has chosen to wallow for a long time now.  It is a moot point whether the company is heavily bleeding with losses because of the negative attitude inherent in a labour-union-driven mindset of the average employee - especially when that kind of attitude does not help sell even chewing gum in a competitive environment, leave alone airline seats to customers with choices!  Or have the airline employees, based on track record, developed the temerity to believe that the government will bail them out of any deep hole they dig for themselves, using tax-payer money and therefore do not care? When decently run airline companies all over the world are fluctuating between losses and marginal profits despite much better efforts and work ethics, what chance does our airline have, with its strike-hungry employees?  If it is cabin crew today, it is the pilots tomorrow, with the engineers queuing up for the day after - all clamouring for something or the other.  The fact that collectively they are doing a great disservice to paying customers does not seem to affect this callous bunch in the least, since they have developed pachydermal hides over the years, engaging in strikes with practised ease and impunity.  How many times has one read news reports of passengers being left hung to dry in local or foreign airports by this airline, just because the whim of one set of employees dictated so?? And in comparison, very rarely does one come upon a similar report regarding any other private airline in the country.  Means what?  That the government, which owns the airline, has been guilty of terrible management practices?  Possibly, but there are many other government-owned companies which seem to be running well, without disruption as we have seen in this airline.  Where does that leave the blame?

A cursory glance at the immediate past history tells us that there have been strikes in this airline every single year from 2007 (may be multiple strikes each year!) and this scribe is sure that if we go back further, we will find more of the same.  Why don't the management and employees come together and negotiate a schedule of strikes for the upcoming year and post it in their website, so that customers are inconvenienced less?    Currently the problem is that we know there will be strikes, but we do not know when and that problem could be solved thus.  We can even suggest the summer months for such scheduling, as in schools and courts, because that is when the traffic could be the highest, workload the most and this would ideally be suitable for the employees.  Obviously the professional and seasoned `strikers' will not bite because the `impact' would be lost.  Interestingly many of these strikes in the past few years have been in April, May and June.

I came across one unbelievably entertaining vignette today about this airline.  In 2007 some Canadian organization seemed to have honoured Air India with an award, yes, award!!  That propelled me forward in my seat and I delved a bit deeper to see what the award was about, since any type of award to Air India could only have been 'fixed', in my humble opinion. It transpires that the award was for creating awareness regarding the vanishing ozone layer.  That figures, isn't it??  If your employees take turn to engage in strikes and perform this annual ritual religiously, that would indeed mean lesser flights from Air India; and that would mean lesser depletion of the ozone layer! Ah, Air India got the award for creating this awareness among its own employees, who avidly demonstrated that they know and care about the ozone layer (more than their paying passengers, of course!).

Our government seems to be labouring under the misconception that national pride would be wounded and  the average Indian would be driven to hang his/her head in shame and sadness if this airline is padlocked.  The truth is that by such a forceful action, the government will be providing a golden opportunity to the employees to go somewhere else and `strike' absolutely unfettered and enjoy themselves in life doing what they do best, without causing public nuisance.  Nothing can be more beneficial to the country and the users, from a common man's point of view.  Anyway, one cannot feel any greater shame and sadness in the context of this airline than what has been thrust on us relentlessly over the years, due to the pathetic actions of the employees and management.

Some Indians living overseas in the 80s and 90s would unfailingly take an Air India flight to come home, ignoring many negative attributes that went with the airline, compared to, say, Singapore Airlines.  They simply enjoyed the India-like feel the airline gave them, something akin to a movie trailer.  Good Indian food, some Indian movie, sari-clad hostesses, Hindi, Tamil and classical music channels - unlike today, these were available only on this airline those days - prompted one to put up with rickety seats even in business class,  antiquated projection/audio equipment etc.  Times have changed and the employees, in their ostrich-like state and very busy with `striking work', have not recognized the fact that other airlines offer all these and more now and there is no reason to prefer the `national airline', at its erratic best.

It has come to light that while 400 and odd pilots of the airline are on strike currently, over 70% of the flights are being operated with the remaining pilots and some 100 executive pilots.  The numbers could be here and there, but the point is the airline is way too overstaffed and is groaning under its wage bill, supporting an aging crew all the way to its glorious retirement.  If it is a private organization, the situation would have been drastically different.  But our government, which wants to mark the price of petrol to market in the name of reform, has done just zilch about this ridiculous condition in the airline for many years.

In a recent development, this airline has sought compensation from Boeing for delayed delivery of planes ordered long back.  Ethically speaking, Boeing should not be penalised because it has done a big favour to the airline.  Consider this - if all the planes were delivered on time, this generous airline would have hired some 500 more employees, had a heftier wage bill, a larger group striking work and incremental losses to boot.  The government should see the hollowness of the argument of `opportunity loss' and refrain from pressing their case for compensation.  It is indeed `opportunity loss' for the 500+ employees who did not come on board to enjoy their tenure and perquisites, but then that is not what we are talking about, right?  If the compensation does come through, as it will because it is a commercial transaction, I suggest the airline just specialises in ordering more and more planes and hope for delayed deliveries; that would be more profitable than actually using the planes randomly for transporting paying passengers between strikes!!

When this current strike commenced, someone had circulated a photo of a few Air India planes sitting on the tarmac, with the caption `Saare Zameen Par'!! That perfectly fits this airline and what its striking employees do best -- staying blissfully disrupted and losing pots of money!!