Relentless Advice Givers (RAGs)

Most of us would have encountered these specimens of the species frequently in our lives - the Relentless Advice Givers (RAGs). Some of us are probably purblind, so can be excused for not identifying them for what they are appropriately.  Others choose to ignore because they believe such characters are par for the course. And the worst part is that all of us periodically succumb to this irritating if not offensive tendency to assume an advisory position; even when no one sought our counsel, so long as we are certain that the counter-party is not violent enough to throw acid in our face in retaliation. Offering unsolicited advice, even to a complete stranger, comes naturally to human beings of all hues and it does take a Herculean effort to keep that impulsive urge under constant control.

One very attractive attribute of the RAG role is that it requires very little expertise or qualification.  So long as one has existed in this world - in whatever limited capacity - for long enough, one is egregiously entitled to plunge into this pastime (because no one will pay for such advice, considering it is unsolicited and mostly useless).  Longevity seems to bestow some invisible thrust to the least sociable of people and push them into this activity.  Recently, when this author went looking for his roots in his village (diligently done once in a couple of years to assuage that lumpy feeling of guilt), he met an old class mate.  This shy chap has retired, having served a lifetime in a local bank and having never ventured too far from his home pasture.  This post owes its birth to this worthy individual.

Obviously in what is a well crunched routine, post-breakfast, he assumes his perch outside his home, almost on the street and watches some eighty percent of the daily activities of all his busier neighbours.  What amuses one is the unfailing regularity with which he spoke to anyone who attempted to pass him either way. To one, it was `Did you tell your grand daughter not to go to USA for higher studies? Singapore is the best'. To the next, `I hear that doctor you have selected for your wife's knee operation is not good. Go to MPK hospital'. To a youngster who seemed intentionally speeding past on a cycle to avoid a verbal assault, the RAG expertly accelerated his own delivery speed to catch up before the former faded away. `You should avoid that nefarious group of boys, otherwise you are going to be ruined for ever', he hollered belligerently, in what seemed a continuing one-way communication.

In the next hour they were together, the author noticed that this RAG had advice to offer in fields afar as what NASA should do next (this to the automobile mechanic in the village), how they should prevent sea erosion in some of those Polynesian islands (this to a poor farmer, who probably hadn't had adequate water for his crops one mile away) and why the local temple should not perform the next round of festivals at that time.  And, barring one forlorn individual who, it turned out, was deaf and thought the author had said something to him and demanded clarification with a `What?', no one even looked askance at the RAG.  They all hurried away as if he/she/it wanted to avoid the pestilence.  It was a futile monologue all the way, but unsurprisingly had no adverse effect on the RAG.  Another superlative attribute of the species, `never take rejection to heart'.

This complete lack of response did not faze the RAG and there was no stemming the flow of dollops of advice for the entire period.  In between various streams, the author managed a few words edge-ways and wanted to know how he of such a few words during younger days turned into such a prolific, almost formidable, advisor. The answer was very elucidating.  The friend said `I am bored, not having anything better to do.  Nobody anyway hears or listens to me when I speak to them.  So I decided to take this avuncular role and offload all my thoughts on them, not caring whether they take them or leave them'.  And inexplicably he deliberately refrained from offering a single advice in his only area of expertise -- banking or finance -- to anyone.  He demystified me on that count with `Oh, I am not knowledgeable enough on that subject and anyway, it is boring'.

The ironical aspect of such RAGs is that not one would have taken similar advice from any one else.  They are such strong personalities that they can sustain giving all the way without taking anything.  What is even more galling is that many of them cannot and obviously do not even follow their own advice.  Take that obese auntie who is advising the young girl on how to lose two kilograms in ten days, when actually she herself can lose more than that during one meal!!  Or that profligate uncle, subsisting with a small monthly allowance from his kind nephew, advising someone on how to financially secure his future!!  This list can go on and some of these specimens, when rebuked, brazenly even seek to arrogate authority to themselves by assuming the mantle of someone who has erred and has never learnt!

We cannot leave the politicians out of this, can we?  Like anything else, politicians have no memory of their own past and have a lot of time for superficial, unwanted advising.  On the subject of Kashmir, recently a Congress leader who stands severely discredited by his own partymen, advised that the current government's policies in Kashmir are all wrong and misdirected. Apparently he wanted every government to follow what Congress did for 60 years and failed miserably.  And another leader, very junior but aspiring to be very senior suddenly, who will remain unnamed and has not even got enough credit till now for him to be discredited ever, has some advice to avert the kind of disaster that consumed the lives of babies in hospital recently.  If only we, as a country, had made some progress annually in the area of public health, education and other social sectors in the last 60 years!!

My dear wife is vigorously nodding her head in agreement.  She has sworn not to open her mouth for a while, lest what falls out is seen as advice.  Why? Probably because she recognizes usually it is? I am not saying anything.