Election Time, Ahoy!

Our state assembly election is in May.  Peak summer time for Bangalore.  I am sure the rationale is that our incorrigible voters, usually swayed by everything but governance  -- like money power, muscle power, freebies, religious and caste considerations  -- are forced to think a bit through heat, dust and sweat about real life issues.  Like water, roads, cleanliness, lakes, rampant corruption etc. But, one is doubtful of any difference in the outcome.  People like gardeners, drivers and maids told me the going rate for their votes has gone up,  they can get money from all parties and then will vote for whoever they like.  Seems fair, eh, but then the available choices are not great. Picture a ship approaching land and a sailor saying `Land, ahoy!', with the obvious joy of someone who has been at sea for a while.  But, if he knows he will be more at sea on land really, what would be his thought?  That is how one should feel when elections come around; providing hope that things would be different, better, post elections.  But being a realist, one must reckon with facts, move away from hallucination and convince oneself that nothing much would change.

Raking my brains for the good things that are by-products of an election, I could find only one.  All the posters with the faces of politicians of all hues and sizes will be dismantled and consigned to trash bins (where they belong truly and permanently) for a very welcome interregnum, thanks to the Election Commission (EC)'s orders. Some would pine for the EC to exercise the same authority with the people involved in those posters too; only, makes the bins far deeper, so that no one can climb back out in a hurry!  That would be deliverance in real terms.  That is a genuine pipe-dream though, because the day after the election is over, new posters with old/new faces spring up - phoenix like - all over again, to simultaneously smile and threaten the populace traversing the city's roads and lanes, causing immense mental agony and inconvenience.  Symbolic of the fact that a similar lousy kind of government will be resurrected and reinstalled, with the same or different set of unscrupulous individuals.  Voters move on in resignation, with very little changing on the ground in governance and wait for the next tamasha to come around in due course.

The bliss of a poster-mukht interval is severely marred by all the chaos that prevails during the campaigning period.  Heavy-duty propaganda obviously dominates because leaders rely only on that  tool and very little real worth or performance.  High decibel meetings and road-hogging processions make life miserable, especially when one knows the pitiable outcome that will be.  On top of that, candidates actually demonstrate forced humility and fake camaraderie, come up close to the voters, too close actually,  adding to the nervousness of the latter.  I am drooling over the idea of a completely digital election process, in which candidates can transfer vote-money to voters via Government-approved payment platforms; they are barred from everything other than WhatsApp and SMS messages for campaigning;  freebies like grinders and mixies can be delivered to voters through Amazon or Flipkart, errr, Walmart;  voting is entirely through mobile phones and finally, no one cares for results, since they really make no difference, zilch. 


But the voter has to go through a few contortions before vote can be caste, sorry cast.  The first ordeal is to ensure that the name is still on the list.  In the name of cleaning up, someone sitting somewhere with  keyboard unilaterally just deletes names, deeming those people eminently worthy of elimination, without any provocation.  When some voters asked why so, they were asked to prove that they are still alive, online, of course producing their Aadhaar card for evidence, without explaining a process for that.  The onus shifts wordlessly on to the unsuspecting and stricken voter, who has to go through a few somersaults and Houdini acts to prove he is worthy of his vote.  By the time this is accomplished, the results are already published and as I said earlier, what is the difference??  The democracy loving voter is humbled a bit more.

Recently, on the outskirts of the city near the golf course, my car was stopped, the boot was examined meticulously, a policeman even ducked into my golf bag to smell it. They were looking for cash and other goodies meant to suborn voters.  Not finding anything, the miffed policeman asked me who I was and what I did.  Clearly unimpressed by my persona as well as the details, he rudely shut the boot and waved my driver away.  Poor chap, he was looking for some windfall during this season and was peeved when I did not prove equal to the task.

Before the election day, all those candidates who fancy their chances of performing the dirty trick again on the suckers  -- the one who assured us 10 years ago that the lake close to our community will be akin to Interlaken in Switzerland in two years and the other one who said the same thing 5 years ago (except he painted picture of Lake Geneva) make their customary appearance.  They come to us with folded hands, Cheshire-cat smiles and God-fearing visages, ignoring the lake and the occasional foul smell emanating from that general direction (they can no longer tell foul smells I think, wallowing in everything foul more or less continuously).  The same subject is raised, assurances given with not so much of an apology or any reservation; of course, they run out of images to evoke and just say they will clean up the lake.  And, we, the always-conned and ever-willing-to-accept voters joyously nod our heads and cheer the candidate, even as we are fully aware of the foregone conclusion.  It will be nice to see new, imaginative candidates with new comparisons to our potentially-to-be-clean lake - is the only thought crossing our minds.  If this is the abject condition of educated voters like us, what can one say??

We are waiting for that man with the most fertile imagination and glibbest tongue, to come and tell us that he will personally link Godavari and Kaveri (and Ganga, if possible) and bring the new river, Gangodveri,  to run just behind our compound wall.  Now, that will surely be the tallest one so far and if he can have the temerity to fly that kind of a kite, he richly deserves our votes, is unquestionably the most qualified for our assembly, democracy and most of all, he is the one who we deserve completely.

The only good thing among the traumatic turbulence that comes to haunt us once in few years is the performance of the EC, overall.  It deserves kudos for having run elections satisfactorily all over the country and bringing the unruly Indians to some level of discipline in the election process.  Great victory for an Indian Institution!!

Jai Hind and long live our brand of democracy!!