Agony Of Applying For Visas

When was the last time you applied for a tourist visa for Schengen area?  Asking because you should never mistakenly assume you are a master of the process and everything will be a breeze. The simple fact is that each country issuing the Schengen visa deliberately designs its procedure to be slightly different.  Just to pep up the rather dull activity, apparently and inserts its own quirky requirements. And to boot, the process itself is constantly evolving across the board.  I believe they do that just to drive home the point that anything in life without ongoing evolution lacks fizz.  They may be right. Recall the tumultuous feelings and trepidation you have, as you wait for the fateful interview, which are ample evidence of the fact that they succeed in keeping the applicant on the tenterhooks. One knows that there will be a discomforting twist here and a embarrassing turn there and generally one can expect a suspenseful operation till you finally say `phew' and get out.

Most of the countries have visa applications on their websites with elaborate instructions for completion of the forms and the unsuspecting applicant would heave a sigh of relief thinking that it is a good beginning.  Generally, yes; but then, the list of documents they require or things to be done, shown online, would never be complete, as they carefully hide something till the last minute.  As a policy, at least a couple of things would be left out and one of them would require your going home or elsewhere to fetch something you have not carried with you. Or, at the minimum, two extra forms will be thrust into your face for you to sign them in their presence, one of them asking for some information you do not readily recall.  No use your bristling and asking them why these are not part of the requirements in the website.

Photos, as you know, are a perpetual irritant.  One question you can always anticipate is `when was this taken'?  Even if your response is `just before coming in here, in the studio down the road', they look at you with loads of pessimism and sarcastically say `but this does not look like you'.  And my dear wife always says my gnarled, crinkled face with the crooked nose and unsmiling mouth have not changed in decades, meaning the face has not become any more attractive even by some miracle. No room for discussion here with the interviewer and one has to go and get a new photograph done.  Which, when obtained and delivered, looks exactly the same as the one submitted earlier, but is readily accepted.  And all this while, my dear wife is smirking away because she submitted one of her photos from some 5 years back (because that shows her younger, obviously) and is waved through enthusiastically.  To make things more painful, the interviewer is suggestively looking at me as if to say `see, the lady knows how exactly that is to be done; why don't you learn from her'?  She is not the one to miss a fantastic opening like that and eventually rubs it in saying `I hope you realise it is not the photo but the visage'.  I have to sullenly agree!

In one of the visa offices, I was asked to get new photos and I asked the chap specifically whether it can be with my specs on.  He categorically said yes.  When I went back with a new photo, two days later due an intervening week-end, he was a pathetic victim of a severe bout of amnesia and flatly refused to accept the photo with specs.  My protestations did not take me anywhere.  Like this, the photo offers a whole host of opportunities for the visa agency to make you run around -- width, length, teeth showing, eyes off-centre, colour of the background etc.  I am sure readers will add a few more pitfalls in this context.

What puzzles one is even if you apply as a family of four, always travelling together on the same ticket and staying together in the same hotels, some visa agencies insist that you provide them with four sets of supporting documents -- air ticket, hotel confirmations, internal travel documents etc.  Isn't it easier to confirm everything for all the four from one set of documents??  Obviously, a big NO.  When I pointed out that the previous year I submitted only one set for the two of us in the German consulate, this chap got very offended and with an air of superiority said dismissively `but this is not German consulate'! Case closed.

Coming to the serious stage of the interview process wherein the applicant is asked some questions, for the sake of asking.  I am of this firm opinion only because all the information is invariably already on the application form and unless the stringent scrutiny is to check the state of the vocal chords of the applicant and pronunciation skills, no new information will be gleaned.  I was asked if I had provided fingerprints on any previous occasion and this priceless data was already available on the application.  I confirmed it and the next question floored me, `You know the exact date on which you did that'?  Come on, guys, we are growing so rapidly old that we may not remember our birthdays and eventually our names sooner or later.  Don't they have the stuff stored in their database??  We were in another visa agency a few years back, when a couple were being asked questions.  One was `why are you visiting the country'?  The applicant had an outstanding sense of humour and he, without a pause, said `To have oodles of sex'.  The lady who asked the question did not know where to look and recovered well to ask `And you are taking your wife along'?.  He said wihtout batting an eyelid 'Yes, she is going for the same too'.  I am sure their visas were approved pronto, so that further questions can be avoided.

There are various other finicky requirements like only cash, no credit card; exact amount to be tendered, no change available; black ink only for signature; if you are late by 2 minutes for the interview, go back to the end of the line and reschedule.

I immensely like countries like Vietnam which make no fuss in issuing visas when you land and hand over your passport and cash. Some preliminary online request has to be made for other countries and the process is painless at that end.  Countries like Mexico are smart enough to make USA do all the work for them and they approve visa for visitors on landing, as long as they have a valid US visa.

When in the finale, the time came to sign some declaration at the visa agency, the smile on my dear wife's face got wiped out in a jiffy.  Nowadays she is so petrified of having to sign something.  You see, her signature has changed over time and she is unable to sign the same way in two different places, even within the same minute.  Especially if the signature is going to be compared with something old and she is doing this in the presence of people.  I watched expectantly, along with the interviewer, as she went through the long preparatory ritual and finally managed to scribble something which barely passed muster. If I was the signer, you know what would have happened!!